The Best Leaders Practice and Model Self-Care

Since the pandemic era began in 2020, we’ve been hearing and reading a lot more about the importance of self-care. We all need to continue to keep ourselves safe and healthy physically, mentally, and emotionally during these strange times in whatever ways work for us.

For leaders, it is similar to the safety message at the beginning of a flight: Put on your own mask before helping someone else. Leaders must be healthy themselves in these areas before they can be effective at showing empathy or otherwise helping others.

Why is it important for you as a leader to practice self-care? Because consciously or unconsciously, you’re always setting an example for people on your team. If they perceive you as struggling with your own issues, they may not feel right asking you for help or advice. But if you exhibit a healthy, positive, caring attitude, they will feel safe turning to you when they’re in need. And people who feel psychologically safe in their work environment tend to be more committed and productive on the job because they’re less distracted and more secure.

Here are a few suggestions, based on how I practice self-care to be the best boss I can be.

Begin your day slowly. I have often written about the benefits of entering your day slowly. Some people exercise or write in a journal. I keep a few reading materials on my nightstand including a booklet of my favorite inspirational quotes that I read each morning. It only takes a few minutes and helps me start the day off with a positive perspective. Then, after breakfast, I can focus on the important things with energy to face whatever comes my way.

Get plenty of sleep. I never have a problem with this—ask anyone who has been in a day-long meeting with me! I learned about the importance of sleep from the man himself, sleep expert Dr. James B. Maas. He literally wrote the book on sleep, Sleep for Success!, a few years ago. Dr. Maas says most adults are sleep deprived, which causes lowered immunity to disease, reduced concentration and productivity, and poor quality of work. He suggests avoiding caffeine after 2:00 pm, avoiding alcohol within three hours of bedtime, and avoiding computer and phone screens within one hour of turning in. And he endorses a 15-minute power nap at midday if you can get away with it!

Take occasional wellness days—and use all your vacation time. Our company recently added a few wellness days to our holiday calendar. Now there is at least one three-day weekend in every month, including April, August, and October. We also have implemented an unlimited PTO (paid time off) policy so that people can take time away from work when they feel the need. We know everyone benefits from time off—leaders included—but people in leadership positions often don’t use all of their allotted vacation time. It is critical for leaders to set the example that taking time away from the job isn’t bad, it isn’t just okay, it’s absolutely necessary for healthy work/life balance. So take those days—you’ve earned them!

Work with a coach or other wellness expert. I’m a firm believer in the benefits of working with a coach, counselor, trainer, or other expert advisor to get the help you need. I’ve benefited from several different kinds of coaching and counseling throughout my life. My first basketball coach, Paul Ryan, taught me how to focus on my strengths. Later in my life, my fitness coach (and coauthor on Fit at Last), Tim Kearin, knew how to give me the right kind of direction and support I needed to get healthy. I’ve had various intellectual coaches over the years, including my sister, Sandy, Warren Ranshaw, and Don McCarty, who helped me with my undergrad, grad school and doctoral programs, respectively. My wife, Margie, and I started our business with encouragement from folks in the Young Presidents Organization and have kept things afloat due to other advisors who are experts on family businesses. Margie and I have also worked with several relationship coaches over the years, which greatly improved our communication—one of the biggest hurdles in a successful marriage. We celebrated our 60th anniversary in June! Get an advisor you can be honest with, meet regularly, and you’ll never regret it.

Now I hope you create a new list for yourself on ways you are going to start (or continue) practicing and modeling self-care. You owe it to your people—and to yourself—to be the best leader you can be.

The 3 Types of Training Leaders Need in 2022

In our recent 2022 survey of learning and development leaders, we asked people to list the training topics they felt were most important in the new year. The top three topics listed were coaching, leading teams, and change management. All three of these topics are near and dear to my heart. Why? Because they are all about leaders working side by side with people to help them achieve their goals.

Coaching

Managers who have been trained in the essentials of coaching are able to offer their people a terrific one-two punch of support. When leaders gain coaching skills such as listening, asking questions, sharing observations, and showing confidence, conversations with direct reports can spark valuable connections that last for years. What’s more, team members who receive coaching from their manager are more likely to become high performers and self reliant problem solvers who not only remain with the company but become leaders themselves. That’s a win-win if I’ve ever heard one!

Leading Teams

High performing teams don’t happen by themselves. Teams need leaders who understand the importance of clear goals, a shared purpose, and mutual accountability in a team setting. Managers who are trained in team leadership know how to diagnose an entire team’s stage of development and apply the right leadership style for each situation.

These days, with many meetings still happening online, it can be tricky for leaders to keep track of team dynamics. Having managers trained in team leadership will give them the skills they need to build effective, collaborative, creative teams that produce the results organizations need today.

Change Management

I don’t need to tell you that change has been part of almost everybody’s day-to-day life for close to two years now, and far longer than that for many. Training leaders in change management shouldn’t be an option these days—it should be a mandate! Why? Because even when it’s done the right way, leading people through change isn’t easy. When it’s done the wrong way, it can be a waste of time and money that causes productivity to crash and employee turnover to shoot up, because people feel ignored and disrespected. And no organization can afford that.

The strongest, most resilient companies stay ahead of their competition by making change a part of their corporate culture. Leaders who know how to uncover and manage team member concerns can head off and reduce people’s natural resistance to change. This leads to increased buy-in and commitment from team members as well as faster results. It’s all about involving your people and making them part of the solution.

So make sure your leaders have the skills they need to help their people achieve their goals in the new year. Managers who are trained in how to effectively coach direct reports, lead teams to high performance, and get everyone working together on positive organizational change are the leaders who will help your company thrive in 2022—and for many years to come.

(Learn more about this year’s survey results by downloading the 2022 HR / L&D Trends eBook!)

The Beauty and Magic of SLII®

Millions of people the world over know the massive positive impact SLII® leadership training has had on leaders at every level and their team members in every industry. If you’re not one of these people, I’d like to introduce you to the basics of SLII®.  

SLII® is based on these two beliefs:

  • People can develop and want to develop.
  • There is no best leadership style to encourage that development; leaders must tailor their leadership style to the situation.

Think about it—we all are at different levels of development, depending on the task we are working on at a particular time. Leaders who over-supervise or under-supervise their people—give them too much or too little direction—have a negative effect on their development. That’s why it’s so important to match leadership style to development level.

SLII® is an easy-to-understand, practical framework that enables leaders to first diagnose a person’s development level on a specific task or goal: Enthusiastic Beginner, Disillusioned Learner, Capable but Cautious Contributor, or Self-Reliant Achiever. Leaders then apply the matching leadership style: Directing, Coaching, Supporting, or Delegating—the one that has the right amount of direction and support to help the person succeed at that development level.

  • Enthusiastic Beginners have just begun to learn a task or work on a goal. They are excited about doing it—but they don’t know what they don’t know. They need clear direction from their leader on exactly how to do the job.
  • Disillusioned Learners have been doing the task or working on the goal just long enough to understand that it may not be what they thought it was going to be. They aren’t sure if they can do the job or even want to do it. They need a coaching leader who can encourage them and build their confidence through this tough stage.
  • Capable but Cautious Contributors have the experience and skills necessary to do a job well but may have times when they still doubt themselves. They need a supportive leader who has their back and is there to cheer them on and show them how much they are appreciated.
  • Self-Reliant Achievers are capable, confident, and at ease with the task or goal at hand. Their leader is happy to delegate the job to these high performers—but is always available to help work a problem or celebrate a success.

So how would this model work in the real world? Let’s start with an example from your childhood. Can you remember when you started learning how to ride a bicycle? Sometimes you were so excited that you couldn’t sleep at night, even though you didn’t know how to ride yet. You were a classic Enthusiastic Beginner who needed directing.

Remember the first time you fell off your bike? As you were picking yourself up off the pavement, you might have wondered why you wanted to learn to ride in the first place and whether you would ever really master it. You had reached the Disillusioned Learner stage, and you needed coaching.

Then came the day when you could ride your bike with a parent cheering you on. But that confidence became shaky the first time you took your bike out for a spin without your cheerleader close by. Now you were a Capable but Cautious Performer in need of support.

Finally, you reached the stage where your bicycle seemed to be a part of you. You could ride it without even thinking about it. You were truly a Self-Reliant Achiever—and your parent could delegate to you the job of having fun on your bike!

The beauty and the magic of the SLII® model is that it can be applied in every part of life that includes tasks or goals: your personal life, family life, work, school, church, community, workplace, friendly or romantic relationships, etc.

As an educator, I know the thrill of witnessing the moment when a student suddenly realizes a concept I’ve been teaching them. It’s the same feeling you will get as an SLII® leader when you meet your people where they are in their development on a particular task or goal. Why? Because leadership is not something you do to people; it’s something you do with people.

Training Plus Coaching: A Formula for Success

Several years ago, someone asked me a thought-provoking question: “What has been your biggest disappointment in your career?” After careful reflection, it occurred to me that what bothered me most was that while my books were widely read and our training programs were used around the world, people were not following through on the concepts and using them consistently in their day-to-day work.

Why not? I wondered.

When Training Doesn’t Stick

It’s not that people didn’t care or weren’t motivated to apply the learning. It’s just that, despite their most sincere efforts, what they were learning just wasn’t sticking.

People would go to an expensive training, get inspired, and vow to apply the learning. Then they would get back to the office. Soon their notes from the training would be buried under a pile of work. Perhaps they would even try to apply some of the training. But because they were not yet good at the skills, the outcome of their efforts would be neutral or even negative. The newly trained people didn’t really have time to figure out why, so they would write off the training and go back to their old, not-so-great way of doing things.

It bothered us that the investments organizations were making in training were going down the drain.

Coaching Can Bridge the Gap

We realized that to bridge the gap between what people knew—all the good advice and tools they had learned in training—and what they did with this knowledge, people needed more support.

We have found that the best way to help people retain and apply what they learn is to integrate coaching with training. We recommend enrolling participants into a minimum of three coaching sessions after a training. In each session, the coach has focused conversations with the participant to help them tailor their new knowledge to their own work scenarios.

Sometimes even the smartest students miss key insights. Madeleine Blanchard, cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services, recalled working with the president of a company who had just taken our SLII® leadership training. The program teaches leaders how to diagnose the development level of their direct reports on each goal and task and apply the appropriate leadership style.

The president was eager to become a role model for SLII® leadership—someone who knew exactly what each person on his team needed to succeed.

“Do you have clear goals and tasks for each direct report?” Madeleine asked in her first session with the president.

The answer was no. In his eagerness to master all the other content, the president had forgotten the first step in the training: goal setting. That kind of oversight is common—and is exactly why coaches can be invaluable in helping people apply what they’ve learned.

Where AI and Virtual Coaching Fall Short

Lately, artificial intelligence has been making a big splash in the training industry. Although AI technology offers some benefits, when it comes to making training stick, there’s nothing as effective as working with another warm-blooded, breathing human being.

There’s no big mystery to that. If you’ve ever done a physical fitness or weight loss program, you know how much more effective it is to answer to a personal trainer or classroom instructor than an unfeeling, computer-generated coach.

No matter how sophisticated AI becomes, a virtual coach can’t prepare people for all the variables they will encounter when they try to put their training into practice in the workplace. It can’t hold people accountable to their commitment to apply the training. And there’s no way a virtual coach can take the place of a human when it comes to acknowledging, praising, and celebrating progress.

It’s human nature to be motivated by positive feedback from others. “After our coaching sessions, people often get back to me about how they’re applying the training,” says Madeleine. “A common email I get is, ‘You are going to be so proud of me.’”

Coaching: An Investment with Long-Term Rewards

The investments organizations make in training are not intended to end when people leave the classroom. In fact, that’s just the beginning. The hope is that the benefits from the training will accrue to the bottom line over the long term.

A small additional expenditure in follow-up coaching assures that an organization’s training investment will pay dividends well into the future. If the cost of one-on-one coaching is prohibitive, small group coaching can also be effective. So, start integrating follow-up coaching with your training. You’ll be amazed at the results!

Returning to the Office: How Using SLII® Micro Skills Can Help

As the number of fully vaccinated individuals in the US increases, people are beginning to return to their offices. Many companies are using a “flexible hybrid work model” that has people working from home most of the time and coming into the office just for team-related activities.

No matter how your organization is addressing this issue, now is the time to take a situational approach to leadership. By using the time-tested micro skills of SLII®, you can help people stay on track, regardless of their working arrangement.

SLII® maintains that there is no one best leadership style. This means that the person being led needs varying amounts of direction and support depending on their development level—their competence and commitment—on a specific task or goal.

Using SLII® Micro Skills: An Example

For example, let’s say you manage a customer service associate, Jason, who has been working from home for the past year. In some parts of his job—working with customers, for instance—he shines. You’ve even received emails from delighted customers singing Jason’s praises. In this area of his job, he is a self-reliant achiever and can handle a delegating leadership style, where your main job is to cheer him on. But in other areas of his job—for example, using the company’s new software system—Jason has expressed discouragement. This is where you’ll need to use a coaching leadership style and give him more direction and support.

In a series of blogs over the past year, I described in detail the seven micro skills of Directing and Supporting leadership. Let’s see how you could apply these micro skills to benefit Jason.

Use the Seven Directing Skills

Directing skills are actions that shape and control what, how, and when things are done. These are helpful for people who, like Jason, need help to become competent in a specific area of their job.

First, set SMART goals (specific, motivating, attainable, relevant, timebound/trackable) with Jason to help him tackle the new software system. Depending on your vaccination status and office policies, the two of you might want to do this in person at the office, at least to get things started.

Second, show and tell him how to achieve specific tasks with the new software. This is the approach to take when someone is brand new to a task and you need to set them up for success by demonstrating what a good job looks like.

Third, establish timelines for his learning of the new software system. When will his learning begin? When will it be completed?

Fourth, help him identify priorities related to his work with the new software. Together, make a list of what Jason plans to accomplish and rank them in order of importance. This way you’ll both be on the same page about what Jason will be accountable for.

Fifth, clarify your roles related to his learning. What are Jason’s responsibilities? What are yours?

Sixth, help Jason develop an action plan to complete his learning. This is a step-by-step plan that will show Jason how to begin, what to do, who to consult with, and when to finish his learning plan.

Seventh, monitor and track Jason’s performance. Set up regular, 15- to 30-minute meetings to check in with Jason and see where he needs help.

Use the Seven Supporting Skills

Supporting skills are actions that develop mutual trust and respect, which increase a person’s motivation and confidence. Because Jason has expressed discouragement about the new software system, he needs help to build his confidence and restore his commitment. Here’s how to use supporting skills to give Jason the boost he needs.

First, listen to Jason. Don’t assume you know the challenges he’s facing. Ask him open-ended questions and give him time to answer. Resist the temptation to jump in. Reflect his thoughts and feelings back to him so that he knows you understand what he’s saying.

Second, facilitate self-reliant problem solving. If you find yourself thinking, “Forget it. It’ll be easier and faster to do this myself,” that’s your cue that you need to enlist Jason to step up. Help him brainstorm ways to address his problem and cheer him on as he works to solve it.

Third, ask for Jason’s input. Again, ask questions and assure Jason that his thoughts and feelings count. This will increase his engagement and commitment.

Fourth, provide rationale for Jason. Nobody wants to do meaningless tasks. Explain why the company is using this software system and how his input contributes to the bottom line.

Fifth, acknowledge and encourage Jason by giving him positive feedback on his efforts and praising the things he’s doing right. This is my favorite SLII® micro skill!

Sixth, share information with Jason about the organization—specifically, how learning to use the new software system affects all the other departments and the company’s mission. Help Jason see where his contribution fits into the greater whole.

Seventh, share information about yourself. Telling Jason about your struggles with technology, for example, can give him hope and reduce his stress around the issue.

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You can adapt the above example to whatever leadership situation you find yourself in. Remember to diagnose the person’s development level on a task and match the appropriate leadership style. The key point to remember is:

Leadership is not something you do to people, but something you do with people.