Keep a Positive Perspective on Today

I’ve been thinking lately about how important it is to have a positive perspective and live life in the present. I have a journal I read frequently where I have written inspirational thoughts as well as motivational quotes. I try every day to live by these three positive thoughts:

  • You make a living by what you get. You make a life by what you give.
  • You become an adult when you realize life is about serving others rather than being served.
  • Life is about significance. Making a living is about success.

To me significance is about making a difference in the lives of people you touch every day. Success—doing your job well—is important, but it’s not the meaning of life. As I continually say:  Life is all about who you love and who loves you.

I also am inspired every day by a wonderful saying attributed to Stephen Grellet, a French-born American Quaker missionary: “I expect to pass through this world but once. Any good, therefore, that I can do or any kindness I can show to any human being, let me do it now. Let me not defer or neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.” What a great perspective this is—if you can do some good or be kind to someone, don’t wait—do it now.

After the big football game last Sunday, I reflected on when I was part of a panel in Dallas many years ago with Tom Landry, the late, great Dallas Cowboys coach. If you ever watched Landry when he was coaching, he was the picture of calmness no matter what was happening. A man in the audience asked him, “How do you stay so calm in the midst of this crazy game of football?” Tom’s quick answer was this:

“Staying calm is easy for me, because I have my priorities in order. First comes God, then my wife, then my family and friends, and finally, my job. So if I lose on Sunday, I have a lot left over. Unfortunately, I see some coaches who are devastated when they lose because winning is their whole life.” He really knew how to put winning and losing in perspective.

When I met Don Shula, legendary coach of the Miami Dolphins and my coauthor on Everyone’s a Coach, I found out he had the same philosophy as Tom Landry. Don’s wife and family were always center stage for him before winning. I’ll never forget once when I was visiting him, the Dolphins had a very important game and they lost. I was concerned because Don and I had a big television interview scheduled for the next day. But much to my surprise, when he arrived at the studio he was very upbeat. I asked him how that was possible after a major defeat. He said, “The philosophy I’ve instilled in our team is that we have only 24 hours after a game to either celebrate a victory or bemoan a defeat. After that, our focus has to be on the next game.” Talk about living in the present, not the past, and then planning for the future.

During the opening ceremonies for Sunday’s big game, it was great to see Don, at age 90, on the field smiling and waving to the crowd. He was being recognized as one of the 10 greatest coaches of all time. I called him a few weeks ago on his 90th birthday and said “Happy birthday, youngster!” He immediately replied “I can still kick your a**!” Now there’s some perspective! Ha!

One of the fun things about arriving home from a trip is the greeting I get from our fabulous little dog, Joy. It shouldn’t go unnoticed that “dog” spells “God“ backwards. I think it’s because dogs behave the way God would like us to behave—they focus on the present. They don’t worry about the past—yesterday is over. They have little concern for the future—tomorrow is yet to come. They stay in the present and enjoy every moment. Dogs are living, breathing guides to a positive perspective on life. Then why can’t dogs live longer? The best answer I’ve heard is that if you gave out unconditional love 24 hours a day, you’d be exhausted, too!

Thanks for permitting me to reminisce about all these things. I hope you have a wonderful day focusing on the now. Keep your “I love yous” up to date. And never forget that life is a very special occasion. Savor every moment!

Pay the PRICE to Make Good on Your New Year’s Resolution!

Have you made any New Year’s resolutions? How are they working for you so far?

Every year I hear people say they are having a hard time motivating themselves to put their New Year’s resolutions into place. My first question is always “How many resolutions do you have?” The answer usually goes something like this: “Well, this year I want to lose weight, exercise more, start reading, spend more time in the garden, watch less TV, travel more, and stop drinking.” Of course those people don’t feel motivated—they are so overwhelmed by their resolutions, they don’t even want to get out of bed! So my first piece of advice is to pick one or two resolutions that you really believe you can accomplish and focus on those.

Several years ago, my friend Bob Lorber and I wrote a book called Putting the One Minute Manager to Work where we talked about the PRICE system. This model works great for New Year’s resolutions. Here’s what the letters in the PRICE acronym stand for:

P is for pinpoint. What is the thing you’d like to do? Is it to lose weight? Exercise more? Get to bed earlier? Identify what you want to work on and be specific.

R is for record. What is your present level of performance in that area? Record your weight or your clothes sizes, write down your present level of exercise, or write down your typical bedtime so you have baseline data. Now you have something to compare with where you want to go, which involves the next step.

I is for involve. Gather key people in your life who can help you set a One Minute Goal for each resolution based on the difference between where you are now (what you’ve recorded) and where you’d like to go. We need to ask for support from people who care about us because it’s very hard to stick to resolutions on our own. Perhaps you could agree to help someone with their resolutions while they help you with yours! Almost everyone needs support from others. What will they do to cheer you on? How can they help hold you accountable? Plan it out and get agreement on your goal or goals. And remember, the best goals are SMART: Specific and measurable, Motivating, Attainable, Relevant, and Trackable/time-bound.

C is for coach. Now your plans are in place and you are starting to make good on your resolutions. You are getting the coaching you need—the cheerleading, the support, and the redirection. Let other people help to keep you in line. As I say, if you could do it by yourself, you would.

is for evaluate. When you have made some headway on your goal, look back and evaluate how you are doing. First, catch yourself doing something right and give yourself a One Minute Praising—any forward progression toward your resolution is worth celebrating! Now think about whether you may be off track in any way. Is there anything that needs to be “tweaked” to enable you to continue your progress? A One Minute Re-Direct may be in order. Don’t stop now! Keep tracking so you can see how you are continuously improving, and plan your future strategies. What will you pinpoint next?

It’s exciting to look ahead at a new year, especially when you have plans for self-improvement in place and friends to support you and help you accomplish your goals. What are you going to be smiling about in December? Take care and have a terrific 2020!

Ask Empowering Questions

Most of us—even millennials—have a history of working under guidance and control at school and in our workplaces. Therefore, we tend to think of authority as external rather than internal. The following questions are all too familiar to us:

At school: “What does the teacher want me to do to get good grades?”

At work: “What does my boss want me to do?”

While things are changing, we live and work in a culture predominated by top-down management and hierarchical thinking, so we’re far less likely to ask questions like these:

At school: “What do I want to learn from this class? How will I know I have learned something I can use?”

At work: “What do I need to do to help my company succeed?”

These are empowering questions. President Kennedy made a call for these kinds of questions when he challenged Americans: “Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country.”

Empowering questions open the possibility for us to become stronger and more competent. So why don’t we ask them more often?

It gets back to all those hard-earned parenting, teaching, and managing skills we learned from our hierarchical culture. Indeed, we feel it is our responsibility as parents, teachers, or managers to tell people what to do, how to do it, and why it needs to be done. We feel we’d be shirking our responsibilities to ask children, students, or direct reports empowering questions such as these:

“What do you think needs to be done, and why is it important?”

“What do you think your goals should be?”

“How do you think you should go about achieving your goals?”

Many of us are afraid to relinquish control to our direct reports because we’re concerned about outcomes. Yet organizations with a culture of empowerment almost always outperform their hierarchical competitors. Consider the following story from Ritz-Carlton, a company famous for its culture of empowerment.

A loss prevention officer at The Ritz-Carlton, Toronto, was called for the second time to a guest room after receiving a complaint of children playing hockey in the hallway. A typical response might have been to knock on the family’s door and ask them to be quiet. But Ritz-Carlton encourages its employees to think for themselves as they live by the company’s “Gold Standards.” These standards invite empowering questions such as:

  • How can I respond to the expressed and unexpressed wishes and needs of our guests?
  • How can I create unique, memorable, and personal experiences for our guests?

Rather than tell the parents to shush their hallway-hockey-playing kids, the loss prevention officer came up with a creative solution. He enlisted banquet employees to isolate space in one of the meeting rooms and create a hockey rink, using banquet tables as a frame. While the “rink” was being set up, he drove to a local sports store and bought two hockey nets, six sticks, and hockey balls. Finally, he delivered a written note to the family, inviting them to an impromptu hockey match against the Loss Prevention All-Stars.

Needless to say, the family was wowed.

A tight match was played between the Loss Prevention All-Stars and Team Family, with Team Family emerging victorious. The game was recorded on the Loss Prevention in-house cameras and Team Family was sent photos of their epic game.

Double-wow.

My friend Tony Robbins often says, “Successful people ask better questions and as a result, they get better answers.” So, ask yourself some empowering questions, and encourage your people to do the same.

The Precious Present

“Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, and today is a gift—that’s why they call it the present.”

You may have heard this quotation, attributed to many different people including Eleanor Roosevelt. It reminds me of when I first met Spencer Johnson. He had just finished a manuscript entitled The Precious Present (Doubleday, 1984).  It’s a wonderful parable about a young boy who lived near an older man who always seemed to be happy. One day the boy asked the old man about it.

The old man told the boy that the secret to lifelong happiness was finding the Precious Present. “It is a present because it is a gift. And it is precious because anyone who receives such a present is happy forever.”

“Wow!” the little boy exclaimed.  “I hope someone gives me The Precious Present.”

For years as the young boy grew, he searched high and low, trying in vain to find the Precious Present. Finally, as a grown man, he stopped to recall the things the happy old man had told him so many years ago. At that moment, he realized the Precious Present was just that: the present. Not the past, not the future, but the Precious Present.

It’s okay to learn from the past, but don’t live there. And it’s okay to plan for the future, but don’t live there, either. If you really want to be happy as you go through life, don’t lose what is precious to you. Live in the present.

What a powerful message. I always remember it when I’m feeling bad about something that’s already happened or when I start worrying about things that haven’t happened yet. Living every day to the fullest is really the best way I know to be happy for the rest of your life. Thanks, Spencer.

6 Keys to Accomplishing Your Big Fat Hairy Goals

This summer I’ve decided to regain some of the fitness goals I achieved back in 2013, when I was writing Fit at Last with my friend and coach, Tim Kearin.  Working with Tim, I’d lost over 40 pounds and gained balance, strength, and flexibility. But a busy speaking and writing schedule has eroded some of those gains. So rather than continue to let things slide, I’m recommitting to my goal of becoming a “lean, mean, golfing machine.”

That means going back to the basic building blocks of accomplishing a big goal like fitness. You can apply these same principles to any Big Fat Hairy Goals you’re working on.

  1. First, have compelling reasons and a purpose. Why are you working on this goal? Why is it important to you? Your goal won’t work in the long term if you are only doing it to please others. Eventually, it has to be something you want to do.

Being around as long as possible to enjoy life with my wife Margie, my kids, and grandkids was my most compelling reason to be fit and healthy when I began my fitness journey at age 71. I want to see my grandkids graduate from college and to see my son Scott and daughter Debbie get their AARP cards. While that sounds like a pretty typical reason someone would give for getting fit, another perhaps less conventional reason involves my Labradoodle dog, Joy. I absolutely love Joy, and she lets me know the feeling is mutual. When I pull into our garage, she senses it’s me even before I get in the door, and she races down the hallway and leaps into my arms. Because Joy is a small dog, I know it’s likely she’ll live to be about 15 years old, so I want to make it into at least my late 80s. I know this sounds a little strange, because most people are concerned about losing their dog, not their dog losing them! But I can’t stand the thought of Joy racing down the hall someday and not seeing me come through the door.

  1. Establish a mutual commitment to success with a knowledgeable coach, mentor, or friend who will help you keep your commitment to your commitment. If they help you, what are you going to do for them? Perhaps the two of you have similar goals and you can become partners and encourage each other.
  2. Learn about Situational Leadership® II. This is our company’s principal leadership training program we teach to businesses all over the world—and you can also use its concepts to accomplish your personal goals. SLII® suggests that there is no one best leadership style. Each learner needs varying amounts of direction and support depending on their development level (competence and commitment) on a specific task or goal. For instance, let’s say you’re starting a business. In some parts of your entrepreneurship—working with customers, for example—you might already be self-reliant and can handle a delegating leadership style. But in other areas—for example, finance and accounting—you might be cautious or even discouraged. That’s where you’ll need more direction or support from your partner, mentor, or coach.
  3. This principle primarily applies to fitness. Work with your doctor before you begin a fitness program to develop age-appropriate goals. Thinking you’re someday going to look like Arnold Schwarzenegger may not be a realistic goal, but building up your tone and strength so you can put your own carry-on bag in the overhead bin on a plane is realistic.
  4. Set up a support system to hold you accountable. This would include trusted friends and relatives who care about your success and will tell you the truth. Yes, you need cheerleaders on your journey, but you also need people who will call you on your excuses and rationalizations for not keeping your commitment to your commitment.
  5. Finally, you need to have measurable milestones to stay motivated. A basic belief I have is: if you can’t measure it, you can’t manage it. In other words, if you keep track of how well you’re doing in each area you’re working on, you can celebrate your progress—or redirect your efforts if your numbers are going in the wrong direction.

Following through on and achieving your Big Fat Hairy Goals is one of life’s most satisfying experiences. Set yourself up for success by putting these six keys to use. Good luck!