I’ve written previously about Charles Handy, a friend of mine who’s a great management thinker from England. During one of his presentations he said, “Most of you are not going to remember much what I say in this session, but I will remember everything. The person who learns the most is the one who speaks the most.” I think that’s really a powerful thing. In the course that Margie and I teach for the Master of Science in Executive Leadership program at USD, sometimes there’s a complaint that they would love to hear more from us and our thinking. We try to integrate some of that, but the course is really about the students and their thinking and their learning to communicate their leadership point of view. It’s really so reinforcing to watch people where the real learning is happening. Because they are doing the talking. Very often we get fascinated by our own words; even as we try to teach our kids and other people things we think they ought to learn. If we realized that if we listen more than we speak, probably more learning would take place in the person we are trying to teach. Ha! That’s kind of a relearning for today—the person who speaks the most probably learns the most. The rest are going to forget what you have to say anyway. So let other people speak up. Facilitate their thinking through issues. Don’t always be the problem solver. Have a wonderful day. Life is a very special occasion when you let other people speak.
Listening
If You’re Talking, You’re Losing
You know, my son Scott gives a presentation called “If You’re Talking, You’re Losing,” which is a really powerful thing. I think we all talk first and listen second. You know that saying about how if God wanted us to speak more than listen he would have given us two mouths—but he gave us two ears. I heard a wonderful thing recently, too: “Lead with your ears.” This is a thing I really need to learn. The problem with some of us is that we get so excited, and we’re so into what we’re doing, that when people talk to us the first thing we do is think about a response. We think about what we’re going to say next. I think I do that too often. So if I’m ever with you and I’m talking too much, just say to me very gently, “Ken—Shut your mouth and use your ears!” Wouldn’t it be neat if we could all feel free to do that with each other? If we would listen, we’d probably learn a lot more. So my thought today for myself and probably all of us is: Listen more and speak less. And remember when people say things, even if it sounds like it’s going to be a problem if you do something with what they say, separate out listening from deciding what you’re going to do. Listen first and decide second. Listen, listen, listen.
Have a Merry Christmas!!
The other day, I had a really interesting conversation. I spent time with Robert Strock, who is an incredible psychiatrist, and my friend Phil Hodges. One of the things we talked about that was fascinating was the theory that anger really comes from hidden sadness. If somebody is upset with you, rather than coming back with anger and being upset as well, try this: Quiet yourself, get out your servant heart, and see if you can find out what’s really causing that energy. It’s like peeling back an onion.
So this holiday season, with everybody running around and getting stressed, if somebody gets upset, just quiet yourself and ask if there is anything you can do to help. Just be there for the person and really try to find out where the sadness is coming from. Life is really very interesting if we really take time to get to know each other and be with each other. So hug somebody this weekend and tell them you love them. Take care, and have a Merry Christmas!
How to Deal with Problems
This morning I was listening to Tony Robbins. I went and got a tape of Tony after being with him recently. He was saying a lot of people acquaint happiness with having no problems. He says that’s crazy. It reminded me of one of Norman Vincent Peale’s favorite stories. Norman was walking down the street in New York City when he ran into a friend of his and said, “How are you doing?” Norman thought it was just a casual greeting, but the guy took it as an invitation and he lay down all of his problems at Norman’s feet. After about twenty minutes, he was finished and he said, “Norman, if you can solve all of my problems, I’ll give you a check for $5,000 to give to your favorite charity.” Norman said that he had never turned down such a challenge, so he ruminated and he cogitated and he agitated and he came up with a solution. He said, “I was just at an organization the other day where people have no problems. Would you like to go there?” And his friend said, “That’s exactly where I want be.” And Norman said, “I’ll take you there tomorrow. It’s called Woodlawn Cemetery. The only people I know who have no problems are dead.” Problems are a way of life, so if you equate your happiness to not having any problems, you’re going to be naïve for the rest of your life. Happy people know how to deal with problems. They don’t get bogged down with problems. They solve problems. They work on problems. But they don’t let problems take over their life. You know, sometimes you put a problem on your back and it drags you down. What you have to do is to say, “How do I solve this?” Happiness and problems go together. So as Tony said, it’s your attitude—it’s what you bring to a problem—that can result in a positive solution, So if you have any problems today, great! You’ll probably have a happier day.
Bring Your Brain to Work!
I used to work with a fellow named Rick Tate, who talked about studying people who trained seeing-eye dogs. What they found was that they kick two kinds of dogs out of the program: The first kind were the ones who were completely obedient, who would do anything that the master said. That was really kind of surprising because you would have thought that the only ones they would kick out would be the ones who wouldn’t do anything that the master said. But they kicked out both kinds. The only dogs they kept in the program were the dogs who would do what the master said unless it didn’t make sense. They kept the dogs that could think for themselves. I think that’s what we as leaders should always try to do—get everybody to think for themselves. Sure, we have some guidelines, here’s what our policy is and all, but use your brains. You can imagine a seeing-eye dog with his master at the street corner, and the master says, “Forward,” and the dog looks up and there’s a car coming at sixty miles an hour. And the dog thinks, “This is gonna be a real bummer,” as he leads his master out into the middle of the street. So we want to empower people to use their brains – train them to do what the boss wants, or what the policies are, unless it doesn’t make sense. That’s really allowing people to bring their brains to work. So don’t get hit by a car! Use your brain today.
How We Lead 