Ego

Great Leadership Starts with Self-Awareness

/ Ken Blanchard

Self-awareness is among the top leadership skills required from future leaders, according to Blanchard’s 2023 Trends Report. Yet the lack of it is one of the biggest challenges leaders face as they step into increasingly higher management roles. Not only is self-awareness a prerequisite for effective leadership, it’s also essential for effective human interaction of any kind.

The best leaders have a high degree of self-awareness. These leaders understand themselves and their needs, strengths, weaknesses, and temperament. They are aware of their thoughts, feelings, and personal motivators. They know how their behavior affects people around them and how to model trusting servant leadership for their team.

Self-aware leaders have a special kind of perspective on leadership. Being grounded in knowledge about themselves helps them be more mindful of the people, experiences, and values that have made them who they are—as both a person and a leader.

How’s Your Ego?

Leaders who lack self-awareness often have egos that they allow to go unchecked, which slowly but surely erodes their ability to lead. These leaders see themselves as the center of the universe. They put their own agenda, safety, status, and gratification ahead of the people they lead—the people most likely to be affected by the leader’s misguided thoughts and actions.

As a leader, if your self-worth is tied up in your achievements and what others think of you, it becomes increasingly difficult for you to maintain a healthy self-image. Why? Because your performance—like everyone’s—varies from day to day, and human judgment is fickle. So your self-worth is up for grabs on a daily basis. It’s easy to get caught between false pride and fear—two ways the human ego can be an obstacle to success.

  • Leaders with false pride are generally seen as controlling. They have a high need for power even when they don’t know what they are doing. They insist they are right even when it’s clear to everyone else that they are wrong.
  • Leaders driven by fear are generally characterized as do-nothing bosses. Their fear of making a mistake and other insecurities keep them from taking action when they should. They are seldom around—and when they are, they avoid conflict and aren’t very helpful.

A lack of self-awareness combined with an overactive ego can topple an otherwise great leader. Don’t let your ego keep you from being your best self or bringing out the best in others.

Can You Be Trusted as a Leader?

Effective leadership starts on the inside. To be a truly trustworthy leader, you must first possess a strong sense of self-awareness by knowing yourself and what you need to be successful.

To help you increase your self-awareness as a leader, we’ve developed an assessment leaders can use to gauge their trustworthiness in the four elements of trust found in our ABCD model:

  • Able: Do you demonstrate competence in your role?
  • Believable: Do you demonstrate how to act with integrity?
  • Connected: Do you demonstrate that you care about others?
  • Dependable: Do you demonstrate reliability?

To gain even more self-awareness, we encourage you to have each of your team members fill out the same assessment, rating you on your trustworthiness. Not every leader is vulnerable enough to ask their people to assess them as a trustworthy leader—but I’ve done it, and I found it to be a humbling, yet enlightening experience!

Important note: make sure you are ready for what you may learn. When you invite people to discuss these potentially sensitive areas, you must be ready to listen. Remember that feedback is a gift. There are only two things a leader should say when they receive feedback—either “Thank you” or “Tell me more.”

Don’t worry—it’s never a bad thing to learn something new about yourself as a leader. Take a tip from the One Minute Manager: If you find out you are doing something right, give yourself a One Minute Praising. And if you discover you are off track in an area, give yourself a One Minute Redirect and get back on the right track.

The more self-aware you are, the better you will be able to serve, care for, and lead your people, which builds trust—and awareness—in every direction. Being self-aware, keeping your ego in check, and learning how to be more trustworthy are all parts of leading at a higher level.

Hello, My Name is Ken—and I’m an Egomaniac

/ Ken Blanchard / 4 Comments

I want to share a method for getting your ego out of the way and clear your path to becoming a servant leader. There are two sides of the human ego that can cause trouble. One is false pride—when you think more of yourself than you should. When this occurs, you spend most of your time looking for ways to promote yourself. The other is fear—when you think less of yourself than you should. In this case, you spend time constantly trying to protect yourself.

I love to start meetings with an Egos Anonymous session. It is a simple but powerful opening activity with a format similar to one used in many 12-step programs. Individuals stand up, introduce themselves, and then share an example of how they have let their ego get in the way of being their best. For example, I would say, “Hi, I’m Ken, and I’m an egomaniac. The last time my ego got in the way was…” and then I might talk about when I took too long to apologize or when I was impatient with someone I care about.

When you make this kind of admission in front of others it is an act of vulnerability that enables people to see you as you truly are, which builds trust and improves relationships. Try it yourself. Reflect on a recent situation where you reacted badly or in a way that was inconsistent with the person you want to be. If you are like most people, you’ll realize that your ego-driven episode was a result of either false pride or fear. You may have felt a need to win at the expense of others, or to be seen as smart, or to be accepted as part of a group. Both false pride and fear are damaging and can limit your effectiveness as a leader. The first step to changing your behavior is to identify the issue. Only when you realize you are operating out of false pride or fear will you be able to change.

To keep your ego in check, I recommend that you ask yourself a couple of questions. First, ask “Am I here to serve or to be served?”  If you believe leadership is all about you—where you want to go and what you want to attain—your ego is probably causing problems in leadership situations. But if your leadership revolves around meeting the needs of the organization and the people working for it, you are acting as a servant leader.

Next, ask “What am I doing on a daily basis to recalibrate who I want to be as a leader?” This could include how you enter your day, what you read, what you study—everything that contributes positively to who you are. Consider your daily habits and their impact on your life. Take time to explore who you are, who you want to be, and what steps you can take on a daily basis to get closer to becoming your best self.

Let’s face it; at times we all have poor reactions to situations. We need to continually monitor our behaviors so that we can make improvements. Your leadership journey begins on the inside—but ultimately, it will have a tremendous impact on the people around you.

Start now: “Hello, my name is…”

Why Isn’t Every Leader a Servant Leader?

/ Ken Blanchard / 2 Comments

My wish is that someday, every leader will be a servant leader. Unfortunately, the human ego can make it difficult. There are two ways we let our ego get in the way of leading with a serving heart and mindset.

One is false pride—thinking more of yourself than you should. You push and shove for credit and think leadership is about you rather than those you lead. Leaders who operate with false pride spend time doing a lot of self promotion. Another way the ego gets in the way is through self doubt or fear—thinking less of yourself than you should. You become consumed with your own shortcomings and are hard on yourself. Leaders who operate with fear spend time protecting themselves because they don’t really believe in their own talents.

Managers with either of these ego afflictions are not effective leaders. Let me explain what false pride and self doubt look like in action.

Managers dominated by false pride are often seen as controlling. Even when they don’t know what they are doing, they have a high need for power and control. When it’s clear to everyone they are wrong, they keep insisting they are right. In addition, they don’t support their staff members very well. When things are going well and people are feeling upbeat and confident, controllers tend to throw a wet blanket over everything. They support their bosses over their people because they want to climb the hierarchy and gain more control and power.

On the other side of the spectrum, fear-driven managers are often characterized as do-nothing bosses. They are described as never being around, always avoiding conflict, and not very helpful. They tend to undermanage even when people are insecure and need support and direction from a leader. This is because do-nothing bosses don’t believe in themselves or trust their own judgment. They value the opinions of others more than their own—especially the opinions of people they report to. As a result, they rarely speak up to support their own people. Under pressure, they tend to defer to whoever has the most power.

If any of this sounds a bit too close for comfort, don’t be alarmed. Most people have traces of both false pride and self doubt. The good news is that there is an antidote for both.

The antidote for false pride is humility. According to Jim Collins in his book Good to Great, there are two main characteristics that describe great leaders: will and humility. Will is the determination to follow through on a vision, mission, or goal. Humility is the capacity to realize that leadership is not about the leader—it’s about the people and what they need to be successful.

The antidote for self doubt is unconditional love. If you have kids or are very close with other family members or friends, you know that your love for them doesn’t depend on their success. You love them unconditionally whether they are successful or not. Loving yourself as a leader will help you operate with confidence and put self doubt to rest.

The best way to start serving others is to be open to the concepts of humility and unconditional love and practice them until they become habit. When that happens, you are well on your way to becoming a servant leader.