Positivity

What it Takes to Give a Speech

/ Ken Blanchard

I often have people come up to me after I’ve given a speech and say, “Boy, would I love to be able to do that for a living—go around the country and give speeches.”  When I ask them why they don’t, they say, “Oh, I could never do that.”

Did you know that the fear of public speaking is higher on the list of fears than the fear of death? This probably doesn’t surprise any of you who have dreaded having to make a presentation. Some individuals have such an aversion to public speaking that they may even decline career opportunities based on the chance that they will have to speak in front of others. While this may seem startling or sad, the truth of the matter is that public speaking is a learnable skill. People who feel inadequate about themselves in front of a group can learn to become good speakers.

I firmly believe there are three things that can impact your performance in public speaking:  body language, routine, and your belief system.

Body Language. If you want to become a good public speaker, closely watch other public speakers to see what they do and how they carry their body.  For example, I have observed that good public speakers walk with their shoulders back and their heads high and use a lot of hand and arm gestures. If you are nervous, hold your head up and your shoulders back and say, “I am feeling good. I am feeling really good.”  Silly as it may seem, this actually works.  The mind does not know the difference between what it perceives and what you tell it to perceive. Think of a time when you were feeling very confident and productive in some area in your life.  How did you act?  How did you walk?  How did you talk?  What did you do?  It’s pretty hard to feel inadequate if you walk and act like you know what you’re doing.

Routine. What is the routine people use when they make a presentation?  When you see a good bowler, for example, they always start at the same mark, take the same number of steps, and release the ball in the same way.  By getting a routine established, you signal your brain that all is well. If the material I’m speaking on is new to me, I try to practice it several times with others—friends, employees, family—prior to delivering it to a group I don’t know. I get feedback each time, and I try to think of questions audience members are likely to have while I’m speaking.  I also use notes until the information becomes second nature to me.  Before I give a speech, I usually engage in deep breathing and a quick review of what I plan to say, which I may do with someone I’m with just prior to my presentation.  When I get on my feet, the first thing I do is tell some funny story that gets the audience relaxed and gets me relaxed. Then I can get into my speech. Now a lot of people tell me, “But I’m not good at telling jokes.”  Well, this too can be learned. Experiment with what works best for you in breaking the ice with a group.

Belief System. Finally, what are the thoughts and beliefs that you have about public speaking?  The late, great speech coach Dorothy Sarnoff used to suggest repeating these words to yourself before giving a speech: “I’m glad I’m here.  I’m glad you’re here.  I know what I know and I care about you.”  Repeating these thoughts can change your belief system so that you actually become glad you are there and glad the audience is there. You know what you know and you can then stop worrying about not being good enough or perhaps not being able to answer a question that is asked.  When you focus on caring about the people in the audience, it becomes difficult to be fearful of the same group or of the situation. Once you start saying this over and over, it will have a tremendous impact on your level of confidence.

After applying these principles, you need to practice, practice, practice to hone your skill.  Seek opportunities to make presentations or join a Toastmasters International club in your area.  It will then only be a matter of time before you can perform as a professional and experience the joy and excitement of sharing your thoughts and helping others in the process. Good luck!

The Best Way to Listen to Feedback

/ Ken Blanchard / 2 Comments

Many people get high marks for being good speakers.  People have become presidential candidates due to their oratorical powers.  In business, executives who wish to increase their public visibility hire speech writers to give them something terrific to say.  We have long recognized the value of being a good speaker.  Just ask any Toastmaster.

Now, how many people do you know who have received a prize or had their picture in the paper because they were a good listener?  Darned few, I’ll wager. And yet, it’s rare to find a really good listener.

It’s too bad more people don’t take an active interest in listening, because much of listening involves getting feedback, a commodity which I consider to be a gift.  When people tell you something that is important and useful, it means they care enough about you to give honest, sincere, and accurate data, which you should have.

Of course, your reaction to feedback, regardless of its content, will determine whether you will continue to get useful information from others.  After all, if someone knows you are likely to become upset about something they’re communicating, they’ll eventually stop giving you information. If people know you’ll reject them or their message when they are honest with you, you’ll be working in the dark without the necessary intelligence about yourself or your environment.  For a manager, this can be extremely dangerous.  Here are four ways you can become a better listener:

First, always acknowledge with appreciation the person who gives you the feedback.  You may dislike the information, but it may be potentially useful data you need in order to be more effective. Remember to disassociate the message from the messenger.

Second, don’t try to listen and think at the same time.  I know it sounds crazy—just listen to the information as it comes to you.  Disconnect your mental data processor and merely gather the data; process it at a later time.  Get as much information as possible, and ask questions that may expand or clarify the situation.  Keep pumping for details. The more information you have, the better.

Third, don’t try to solve a problem while listening.  If you do this, your listening capabilities will greatly diminish, if not stop.  Process all the details and then decide how to use the data.  If you rush to react to news without having received all the information, it is possible that your actions will be faulty because the information is incomplete.

Finally, if you are receiving some unpleasant information you don’t especially want to hear, don’t blow up.  Keep yourself under control.  As I stated earlier, if someone knows you’ll verbally abuse them when they give you unpleasant news, they’ll eventually stop giving you any news at all—good or bad.

To review, the steps to effective listening are: 1. Thank the person for the information.  2. Gather as many details as possible.  3. Act only after you have all the facts.  4. When receiving negative feedback, maintain your composure.  And always remember one of my favorite sayings taught to me by a former colleague, Rick Tate:  Feedback is the breakfast of champions!

Praise v. Criticism

/ Ken Blanchard / 7 Comments

I was once involved in a corporate study where criticizing and praising were actually tabulated and the reactions measured. Look at what we found: When there was one praising for each criticism, people felt as though they had a totally negative relationship with their boss. When the ratio was changed to two praisings to one reprimand, people still thought their boss was all over them. It wasn’t until we got to a ratio of four praisings to one criticism that people began to feel as if they had a good relationship with their boss. Continue reading →

Take what you do seriously, but yourself lightly

/ Ken Blanchard / 1 Comment

I had a wonderful time recently, playing in a charity golf tournament with coworkers Steve Murphy, Randy Conley, and Brent Bystedt. It was really a lot of fun; we played a scramble.

One of the things it reminded me of—and this is so important to Colleen Barrett and Herb Kelleher at Southwest—is you really have fun in life and do well when you take what you do seriously, but yourself lightly. That was really evident as we were playing golf. We were trying to do the best we can, but we were laughing and enjoying ourselves. I don’t think there’s anybody who is more fun to be around than Steve Murphy. He’s one of our great consulting partners and he is absolutely fun. He takes what he does seriously but himself lightly, and I think that’s what endears him to clients. Continue reading →

Be as good to your loved ones as you are to strangers

/ Ken Blanchard / 2 Comments

At the ASTD conference in Chicago recently, Colleen Barrett made a really interesting point in the session we did together. She said at Southwest, they want to make sure that their customer service is as good internally as it is externally. They believe in the Golden Rule—treating people the way you would like to be treated. One of the things we talked about is that it’s amazing how people will treat strangers or customers better than they would treat people they love or people who are coworkers. Continue reading →