Gratitude

Processing Gratitude During Difficult Times

/ Ken Blanchard

Hard to believe, but it’s already November. Where has the year gone? Every year in November I write about the importance of having an attitude of gratitude. But I certainly understand how wars in Ukraine and the Middle East, mass shootings in the US, and other tragedies dominating the news can make it a lot more difficult for folks to focus on feeling grateful. What can we do to keep our thoughts from sinking downward?

I’m going to offer up a few ideas in the hope they will help motivate you to move toward feelings of gratitude for the simple things you have to be thankful for.

  • Margie once created a simple model she calls PACT—Perspective, Autonomy, Connectedness, and Tone—that addresses both life balance and stress reduction. In teaching this model, Margie and I found focusing on the four elements of the PACT model helped people not only manage the demands of a busy life but also deal with unexpected stress.
    • Be grateful for perspective. Perspective is a picture of where you’ve been and where you’re going that sets the context for your day. When you watch “Breaking News,” it can seem like nothing good is happening anywhere. Sometimes the best thing you can do for your own well-being is to turn off the news and find a good book. Go outside and play with the dog or watch the wind blow through the trees. Put on some uplifting music. Have a meal with a friend. You have the option to change your perspective. Once you ground yourself and reclaim your own real life, it is easier to find things that make you feel grateful.
    • Be grateful for autonomy. Autonomy is the feeling that you have some control over what happens to you—the freedom to make your own choices and steer yourself toward your goals. When current events cause you to feel anything but in control of things, remember that you have the ability to control where your thoughts go, and you can choose how you react to current situations. Start by being more intentional about the messages you pay attention to. Look for the good—it’s out there! Mr. Rogers said he was taught by his mother to “look for the helpers” in tragic situations. Be grateful for the helpers—people who are helping others and working to make a positive difference in the world. Be grateful for who you are—a person with autonomy—and for being alive.
    • Be grateful for connectedness. Connectedness is generally about your relationships with others. Be grateful for how many ways you can connect with your family, friends, and colleagues. We’ve all learned that connectedness can happen even when we aren’t face to face with another person. I’ve said often how grateful I am for Zoom. I became a true Raving Fan of Zoom the first time I attended an all-company meeting and saw everyone from the office that I had missed seeing since the shutdown. It was fabulous! I soon learned that I could see and talk with clients around the world without getting on a plane! It changed my life. Even when you can’t connect with someone in person, you can still let them know you are grateful that they are in your life.
    • Be grateful for tone. Tone is how you feel about yourself physically, your energy level, and how you present yourself. This is the most important element in the PACT model because high or low tone can affect the other three elements. When you feel good and have a positive perspective, your tone is high. You make good choices for yourself and want to stay connected to others. But you can tell if your tone starts slipping into a lower state—you may feel like staying home more, staying up later or sleeping in, or not caring if you wear sweats every day. When you feel your tone sliding down, work on the other three elements of the PACT model—your perspective, autonomy, and connectedness with others. You’ll soon feel less stressed and more balanced.
  • Here’s a wonderful perspective: a poem of gratitude from the late Thich Nhat Hanh, who was one of the most beloved Buddhist teachers in the West. This was his morning prayer, which can be practiced by anyone of any faith or no faith:

               Waking up this morning, I see the blue sky.

               I join my hands in thanks

               for the many wonders of life;

               for having twenty-four brand-new hours before me.

  • Every night, Margie writes down three positive things that happened in her day. These could be as simple as hearing from an old friend, or finishing a great book, or the joy she gets from teaching her career planning class at work. It’s her way of ending each day with positive thoughts and a peaceful mind.
  • As the holiday season approaches, think about giving your loved ones, friends, and colleagues the gift of your presence. We all get busy with work, shopping, and other tasks and sometimes forget to simply make time to be present with people we care about. Let them know you love them and are thankful they are in your life.

Finally, we need to keep our hearts open to the innocent victims of war—the citizens and families of the Middle East and Ukraine. However you wish others well, be it through caring thoughts, meditation, prayer, or another type of reflection, let’s send safety, peace, and love to those who are suffering.

This November, I hope we can all find a way to feel and express gratitude for everything we have and everyone we love, including each other—and ourselves.

The Power of Gratitude

/ Ken Blanchard

This week the United States will be celebrating Thanksgiving Day, a holiday that’s set aside to count our blessings. There’s usually a big meal, visits from family, and special shows on television. But with COVID still floating around, inflation, financial stress, and political discord, it might be hard for some people to feel grateful this year.

I encourage you to feel grateful anyway. Why? Because oddly enough, the less grateful we feel, the more we’ll benefit from practicing gratitude.

A study conducted by the University of Southern California found a connection between gratitude and areas of the brain associated with stress reduction. Other studies have found a direct link between the practice of gratitude and increased optimism and better mental health.

If you’re new to practicing gratitude, start by giving thanks for the things you’ve been taking for granted, like air to breathe and clean water to drink.

Next, take a moment to express gratitude for the strengths you’ve been given.

Finally, think about the people who make a difference in your life. Express your gratitude for them—maybe even by picking up the phone and giving them a call.

My old friend, Zig Ziglar, used to say that “Gratitude is the healthiest of all human emotions. The more you express gratitude for what you have, the more likely you will have even more to express gratitude for!”

I’d like to take this opportunity to say thank you to all my readers for your interest in my work. I’m grateful for you! I wish every one of you a wonderful Thanksgiving. No matter how you decide to spend the holiday this year, remember to take a few moments to practice gratitude. You’ll be grateful you did!

The Timeless Custom of Giving Thanks

/ Ken Blanchard

This Thursday is Thanksgiving Day in the United States. As I was growing up, Thanksgiving was always a big deal in our family. To honor the day, my father loved to read part of a 1936 Thanksgiving Proclamation by Wilbur L. Cross, the Governor of Connecticut. As I got older, I memorized the opening lines:

“Time out of mind at this turn of the seasons, when the hardy oak leaves rustle in the wind and the frost gives a tang to the air and the dusk falls early and the friendly evenings lengthen under the heel of Orion, it has seemed good to our people to join together in praising the Creator and Preserver, who has brought us by a way that we did not know to the end of another year. In observance of this custom, I appoint Thursday, the twenty-sixth of November, as a day of Public Thanksgiving.”

Celebrating the bounty of the autumn harvest was a tradition long before America came into being. Egyptians, Greeks, and Romans gave thanks to the gods at this time of year. Even before those civilizations, the Chinese celebrated the fall harvest during the ancient Shang dynasty. So, this custom of giving thanks for blessings goes way back in time.

I love Thanksgiving because it’s all about gratitude. You don’t have to give gifts – you just give thanks for the people and things that make life worth living.

So, wherever you are, give thanks this week. Tell the people in your life how grateful you are for them. Take a moment to acknowledge and appreciate all that you’ve been given.

Life is an extra special occasion when you are thankful for who you love and those who love you. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

Gratitude: A Great Stress Buster

/ Ken Blanchard

Having just experienced a wonderful Thanksgiving weekend, I’ve been reflecting on the relationship between thankfulness and stress. Recent research indicates that when you’re stressed out, if you stop and count your blessings and what you are thankful for, your stress will go away. Turns out that you can’t feel stress and be thankful at the same time. I love that!

Let’s keep this idea in mind as we head into the December holiday season. The minute you feel stressed out—shopping and thinking of all the other things you need to do in preparation for the holiday—take a deep breath and think of something you are grateful for.

This reminds me of the lyrics to a wonderful Bing Crosby song we used to sing when I was a kid:

“When I’m worried and I can’t sleep,

I count my blessings instead of sheep,

And I fall asleep counting my blessings.”

Good on you all!

Blessings in the Rubble

/ Ken Blanchard

Last week marked the ten-year anniversary of the massive fires in San Diego that took our family home. When Margie and I reflect on that time, we try to focus on the good things that came out of it. You might not think that makes sense. Of course, it was a tragedy—but there were many positives. One of our biggest blessings was realizing the difference between the value of people and the value of stuff.

Only a month before we lost our house, I received a copy of a new book called When the Game Is Over, It All Goes Back in the Box written by my friend John Ortberg—a wonderful author and the senior pastor of Menlo Church in Menlo Park, California. I was so taken by one section of John’s book, I sent everyone in our company a voicemail about it. John wrote about how in life, some things are forever and some are temporary—and how easy it is for us to get the two mixed up. He suggested everyone do the following exercise.

All you need is a pen and two pads of sticky notes. Write TEMPORARY on each note on one pad and FOREVER on each note on the other pad. Then go around during your day and distribute them. Put a TEMPORARY note on your car, your house, your furniture, your checkbook, things in your closet, your TV, your cell phone, etc. Put a FOREVER note on people in your family, your friends, your boss, your coworkers, the stranger behind the counter—and don’t forget to put one on yourself. Because everything else is just temporary stuff. No one will remember what clothes you wore, your bank balance, or the kind of car you drove. When the game is over, all that’s left is love—who you love and who loves you. Everything else goes back in the box.

A week after the fire, we decided to have a memorial celebration for our house—so many people in our company had been there for get-togethers or holiday parties. And over the years a number of our salespeople and consulting partners and other friends and colleagues had come to stay with us, sometimes for days or weeks for various reasons. And even though there was nothing left of the house now, all of those memories remained—so about 100 people gathered and shared their memories with us. It was a wonderful, healing experience.

One of the blessings we hadn’t thought of—and one of the biggest laughs—came at the end of the memorial celebration. Our daughter, Debbie, said, “I’ve been having a lot of mixed feelings about the house burning down. Of course it’s very sad. But I remember not that long ago walking through the house and seeing all of mom and dad’s stuff in the garage and the closets—they never threw anything away. I had the thought that if something ever happened to them, it would probably end up being my job to clean the place out—to go through everything and figure out what to do with it. Now I won’t have to do that!” Everyone laughed but they had to admit that Debbie had a point.

Shortly after the fire, a wonderful friend of Margie’s and mine named Tom Crum told us about a sign in his home written by a Japanese poet. The message on the sign translates to “Now that my barn is burned to the ground I can see the moon.” It was yet another reminder—there’s always something to be thankful for.