Commuication

Processing Gratitude During Difficult Times

/ Ken Blanchard

Hard to believe, but it’s already November. Where has the year gone? Every year in November I write about the importance of having an attitude of gratitude. But I certainly understand how wars in Ukraine and the Middle East, mass shootings in the US, and other tragedies dominating the news can make it a lot more difficult for folks to focus on feeling grateful. What can we do to keep our thoughts from sinking downward?

I’m going to offer up a few ideas in the hope they will help motivate you to move toward feelings of gratitude for the simple things you have to be thankful for.

  • Margie once created a simple model she calls PACT—Perspective, Autonomy, Connectedness, and Tone—that addresses both life balance and stress reduction. In teaching this model, Margie and I found focusing on the four elements of the PACT model helped people not only manage the demands of a busy life but also deal with unexpected stress.
    • Be grateful for perspective. Perspective is a picture of where you’ve been and where you’re going that sets the context for your day. When you watch “Breaking News,” it can seem like nothing good is happening anywhere. Sometimes the best thing you can do for your own well-being is to turn off the news and find a good book. Go outside and play with the dog or watch the wind blow through the trees. Put on some uplifting music. Have a meal with a friend. You have the option to change your perspective. Once you ground yourself and reclaim your own real life, it is easier to find things that make you feel grateful.
    • Be grateful for autonomy. Autonomy is the feeling that you have some control over what happens to you—the freedom to make your own choices and steer yourself toward your goals. When current events cause you to feel anything but in control of things, remember that you have the ability to control where your thoughts go, and you can choose how you react to current situations. Start by being more intentional about the messages you pay attention to. Look for the good—it’s out there! Mr. Rogers said he was taught by his mother to “look for the helpers” in tragic situations. Be grateful for the helpers—people who are helping others and working to make a positive difference in the world. Be grateful for who you are—a person with autonomy—and for being alive.
    • Be grateful for connectedness. Connectedness is generally about your relationships with others. Be grateful for how many ways you can connect with your family, friends, and colleagues. We’ve all learned that connectedness can happen even when we aren’t face to face with another person. I’ve said often how grateful I am for Zoom. I became a true Raving Fan of Zoom the first time I attended an all-company meeting and saw everyone from the office that I had missed seeing since the shutdown. It was fabulous! I soon learned that I could see and talk with clients around the world without getting on a plane! It changed my life. Even when you can’t connect with someone in person, you can still let them know you are grateful that they are in your life.
    • Be grateful for tone. Tone is how you feel about yourself physically, your energy level, and how you present yourself. This is the most important element in the PACT model because high or low tone can affect the other three elements. When you feel good and have a positive perspective, your tone is high. You make good choices for yourself and want to stay connected to others. But you can tell if your tone starts slipping into a lower state—you may feel like staying home more, staying up later or sleeping in, or not caring if you wear sweats every day. When you feel your tone sliding down, work on the other three elements of the PACT model—your perspective, autonomy, and connectedness with others. You’ll soon feel less stressed and more balanced.
  • Here’s a wonderful perspective: a poem of gratitude from the late Thich Nhat Hanh, who was one of the most beloved Buddhist teachers in the West. This was his morning prayer, which can be practiced by anyone of any faith or no faith:

               Waking up this morning, I see the blue sky.

               I join my hands in thanks

               for the many wonders of life;

               for having twenty-four brand-new hours before me.

  • Every night, Margie writes down three positive things that happened in her day. These could be as simple as hearing from an old friend, or finishing a great book, or the joy she gets from teaching her career planning class at work. It’s her way of ending each day with positive thoughts and a peaceful mind.
  • As the holiday season approaches, think about giving your loved ones, friends, and colleagues the gift of your presence. We all get busy with work, shopping, and other tasks and sometimes forget to simply make time to be present with people we care about. Let them know you love them and are thankful they are in your life.

Finally, we need to keep our hearts open to the innocent victims of war—the citizens and families of the Middle East and Ukraine. However you wish others well, be it through caring thoughts, meditation, prayer, or another type of reflection, let’s send safety, peace, and love to those who are suffering.

This November, I hope we can all find a way to feel and express gratitude for everything we have and everyone we love, including each other—and ourselves.

The Power of Your Leadership Point of View

/ Ken Blanchard

Pop quiz: What is your leadership point of view? By that I mean, what are your thoughts about how you lead others, and where did those thoughts come from?

I learned from Noel Tichy, author of The Leadership Engine, that the most successful leaders have a clear, teachable leadership point of view and are willing to share it with others. My wife, Margie, and I were so fascinated with this idea that we developed a course about creating a leadership point of view that is part of the Master of Science in Executive Leadership program offered by the School of Business at the University of San Diego.

If you’re thinking that this discussion does not pertain to you because you are not an executive in an official leadership role, let me ask you this: Have you ever tried to influence the thoughts and actions of others toward a goal? If your answer was yes, then you have engaged in leadership—in other words, you’re a leader. As such, you and the people around you will benefit from knowing your leadership point of view.

Creating Your Leadership Point of View

Developing your leadership point of view is a process that goes through three basic steps:

  • Identifying key people and events that have shaped and influenced your thoughts about leadership.
  • Describing your leadership values.
  • Sharing your expectations of yourself and of others.

Step 1: Identify Key People and Events. Begin by spending some time thinking about key people who have influenced your life, such as parents, grandparents, coaches, or bosses. What did you learn about leadership from these people? Next, think about the significant events that were turning points for you. What did you learn from those events, and how did those lessons prepare you for a leadership role?

For example, I’ve often told the story of how, in the seventh grade, I was elected president of my class. When I rushed home and told my father, he said, “That’s great, son. But now that you are president, don’t ever use your position. Leaders are great not because they have power but because their people trust and respect them.” That experience taught me that leadership was not about me, it was about the people I was serving.

Step Two: Select Your Leadership Values. Values are core beliefs that you feel strongly about. These core beliefs will determine how you behave as a leader. For example, we know that Mahatma Gandhi valued peace, because he modeled that value by encouraging non-violent resistance as he led a successful campaign for India’s independence from British rule.

When you think about your values, you may come up with a long list of things like honesty, creativity, freedom, success, humor, spirituality, security, etc.  What you want to do is narrow down your list to three or five core values. The best way to do this is to look back at the key people and events in your life and think about the values reflected in those stories. This way, your values will flow naturally from the people and events you talked about in Step 1. You will be able to define each value in your own terms and explain why it is meaningful to you. It would be easy to read a list of values to your team, but that isn’t very impactful. Sharing stories about actual events that shaped your values is a more personal and authentic way to communicate.

Step 3, Part A—Communicate Your Expectations of Yourself.  Now—based on the lessons you learned from key people and events and the values you hold dear—what, exactly, do you expect of yourself as a leader? How do you expect to behave as a leader? Making this clear to the people you lead lets them know the intentions behind your behavior. For example, here’s what I might share:

“My expectation of myself as a leader is to help you win and accomplish your goals. I expect to cheer you on or redirect your efforts if progress isn’t being made. If I am living up to my expectations of myself as a leader, everything I do with you will be geared toward helping you produce great results and feel good about yourself.”

Step 3, Part B – Communicate Your Expectations of Others.  What do you expect of others? When you let people know what you expect from them, it gives them a picture of how they can be successful under your leadership. Here’s a partial example of one leader’s expectation of others:

“I expect you to stand tall on the integrity issue and to not allow anyone to think that you tolerate fraud or anything unethical. People need to know how important integrity is to you.”

The reason I say “partial example” is because you should put all these elements—key people and events, values, and your expectations of yourself and others—into a narrative format, so that they flow together as a story.  Stories evoke feelings, so people relate to and remember them.

Sharing You Leadership Point of View

Creating your leadership point of view is a process, so don’t try to craft it overnight. Take time to think deeply about each element and how it fits into your leadership story. A leadership point of view is a very personal statement that requires reflection and vulnerability.

The Final Step.  When you are ready, share your leadership point of view out loud by using an outline of key points or perhaps even reading it to the people who work with you. Margie and I have been amazed to see how powerful it is when leaders share from this deeper place. Don’t skip this final step, because in the end, your leadership point of view is not about you. It’s about helping the people you lead understand where you’re coming from so that together you can become a winning team.