I was once asked to give a speech at the regional National Speakers Association meeting in San Diego about my approach for effective communicating. Specifically, they wanted me to tell them how I give a speech. My approach is simple.
First, I offer up a concept that could help each person in the audience be a better manager, teacher, coach, or parent. Next, I give an example or tell a story that relates to that concept. I get people laughing. I try to zero in on audience members as human beings and make my point in such a way that it triggers an emotional reaction for each person. Ultimately, I want them to walk out of the room with an idea they can put into action in their lives. Here’s an example of my approach:
Introduce a concept that will enrich the life of each member of the audience. “Of all the concepts that I have taught over the years, the most important is about catching people doing things right. There is little doubt in my mind that the key to developing people is to catch them doing something right and praise them for their performance.” The minute I begin talking about catching people doing things right, praising them and letting them know you noticed their good performance, the audience perks up. Everyone can relate to this topic in some way, both at home and at work, because everyone loves praise.
Give an example that relates to the concept. After I talk to the audience about praising in a general sense, I warn people not to wait for exactly the right behavior to praise others—because they could be waiting forever! “In the beginning, when people are learning something and are not top performers yet, you have to praise progress. For example, imagine that you’re trying to teach a child how to say, ‘Give me a glass of water, please.’ If she has never spoken before, and you wait for that full sentence before you give the child a sip of water, what have you got? A very dehydrated kid, that’s what! So what do you do? You have to praise progress. First, zero in on the word water. Repeat it over and over again. Finally, the child will respond with something like ‘loller.’ When that happens, hug and kiss the kid. Call his grandmother and get the child on the phone so she can say, ‘loller, loller, loller.’ While that’s not water, it’s not bad. After a while, though, you will only accept water. Why? Because you don’t want your child going into a restaurant at 21 years of age and asking for a glass of loller. So praising progress helps people move toward desired performance.”
Tell a story that shows other applications for the concept. “Is praising important in relationships other than with our children? You’d better believe it. Have you ever seen a couple in a restaurant in love? Margie and I were at a French restaurant not long ago, where we spent three hours enjoying a marvelous meal and elegant atmosphere. On one side of us was a couple in love. When one of them would talk, the other would smile and listen. I don’t think they cared if the meal ever came. On the other side was a couple that obviously had been married for a while. In three hours, I don’t think they said four sentences to each other. He finally said, ‘How’s your meat?’ ‘Okay,’ was the reply, ‘How’s yours?’ I whispered to Margie, ‘That marriage is dead but nobody buried it.’ How do you get from hanging onto someone’s every word to having nothing to say? It’s the frequency with which you catch each other doing things right.”
Summarize the presentation with tips the audience can put into action. “The key to keeping personal and professional relationships healthy is to constantly catch people doing things right, and praise them by accenting the positive. When you accent the positive, you have deposits in your human relationship bank account with that person. Now, if that person does something wrong, you can point it out without devastating the relationship.”
The example I’ve just presented demonstrates how, when giving a speech, I try to present a concept in human terms and involve the audience in a way that it stirs an emotional reaction in each person. I try to relate the concept to something that is present in the lives of every audience member so they can feel the power of the concept. Remember that your job as a communicator and speaker is to inspire and change people’s behavior, not just to share information. If you use this approach when giving a presentation, you will keep your audience interested and give them something they will remember—and be able to use—long after they leave the room.
Do you ever go home feeling that you’ve spent the whole day doing jobs on other people’s “to do” lists instead of your own? Do you feel that you’re doing more but accomplishing less? Your life may seem out of control, but it doesn’t have to be if you learn the art of monkey management.
Several years ago I had a chance to work with the leading expert of monkey management, Bill Oncken, Jr., who authored, with Don Wass, one of the all-time best-selling articles published by the Harvard Business Review entitled Managing Management Time: Who’s Got the Monkey? Bill and I joined forces with Hal Burrows to write The One Minute Manager Meets the Monkey (Morrow, 1989). It was a fabulous experience and I learned quite a few things about managing monkeys that still hold true today.
For those of you who are still scratching your head, allow me to explain. A “monkey” is the next move after two individuals meet, as illustrated here: Say you meet an employee in the hallway. He says, “Can I see you for a minute? We have a problem.” He explains; you listen; time flies. Twenty minutes later you know enough about the problem to realize you’ll have to be involved, but you don’t know enough to make a decision. So you say, “This is very important, but I don’t have time to discuss it now. Let me think about it and I’ll get back to you.”
The detached observer understands what just happened, but when you’re in the middle, it’s harder to see the big picture. Before you met your staff member in that hall, the monkey was on his back. While you were talking, the matter was under joint consideration, so the monkey had one leg on each of your backs. But when you said, “Let me think about it and I’ll get back to you,” the monkey moved squarely onto your back.
The problem may have been part of your employee’s job, and he may have been perfectly capable of proposing a solution. But when you allowed that monkey to leap onto your back, you volunteered to do two things that this person was generally expected to do as part of his job: (1) You accepted the responsibility for the problem, and (2) you promised him a progress report. Just be sure it’s clear who’s in charge now, your staff member will stop in on you several times the next few days to say, “Hi! How’s it coming?” If you haven’t resolved the matter to your employee’s satisfaction, he may begin to pressure you to do what is actually his job.
To avoid this travesty, monkey management is necessary.
Managers must be careful not to pick up other people’s monkeys. When they do, they broadcast the message that the employees lack the skills to care for and feed the monkeys themselves. Managers who grab monkeys off their people’s backs often kill employee initiative, and everyone is left waiting for the boss to “make the next move.”
Nobody wins when you take care of other people’s monkeys. You become a hassled manager and don’t feel very good about yourself. And you have workers who look to satisfy their needs elsewhere, because they feel underutilized and unappreciated. They often become dependent upon the boss. The care and feeding of other people’s monkeys is the ultimate lose/lose deal.
Bill Oncken, Jr. developed four rules of monkey management to help managers give back monkeys without being accused of buck-passing or abdication. They are:
1. Describe the monkey. The dialogue between a manager and a staff member must not end until appropriate next moves have been identified and clearly specified.
2. Assign the monkey. All monkeys shall be owned and handled at the lowest organizational level possible.
3. Insure the monkey. Every monkey leaving you on the back of one of your people must be covered by one of two insurance policies: (1) recommend, then act, or (2) act, then advise.
4. Check on the monkey. Proper follow-up means healthier monkeys. Every monkey should have a checkup appointment.
If you follow Oncken’s rules, you’ll stop viewing your people as the major source of your problems and will soon start seeing them as major solutions, because each of their backs can be a depository for several monkeys.
Try monkey management—it works!
Whenever two people quarrel, inevitably they focus on who is right and who is wrong. Playing the “I’m right, you’re not” game is a sure way for people to push away from each other even further. If there is a history of disagreements, this mindset will cause even the slightest spat to become a rehash of past conflicts.
Knowing how to handle conflict is an important skill for anyone. I find that three very simple questions can help minimize conflict.
1. “What would make the other person’s position right?”
The first question is from Mary Parker Follett, a professor of organizational behavior in the early 20th century. She was one of the first people to point out that conflict was often the result of rational, well-intentioned people who simply saw the world differently and thus focused on different problems.
To best resolve a disagreement, Follett advocated not to dwell on who was right, but rather to try to better understand why the other person sees the situation as he or she does. That is, ask yourself, “For the other person to be correct, what views would that person have to hold about the situation of life in general?” This simple technique can help you see beyond the problem at hand and focus on a more general understanding of the situation.
For instance, I once got upset when I felt that someone in my company did not treat a customer well. But by asking, “How could this person allow this to happen?” I learned that the other person simply didn’t realized the importance I have always placed on customer service. As a result, we achieved clarity about this issue.
After you have a good understanding of how the other person sees things, you can more objectively discuss with him or her the basis for the specific perception. It is easier to discuss how the person arrived at the perception and what might change his or her viewpoint than it is to force someone else to change a position he or she is locked on.
2. “What do we have in common?”
This question comes from Peter Drucker, one of the foremost management thinkers of our day. He believed that sometimes the best approach to deal with conflict is simply to try to make it more bearable for those involved. Instead of criticizing each other when you disagree, Drucker advocated finding what you have in common with the other person. Finding a common ground can then typically be parlayed into other areas of agreement. Although the conflict may not ever be fully resolved, focusing on areas of agreement will help minimize the conflict and make it more manageable.
To take a simple example, suppose a man who works with you is constantly late for meetings, and this bothers you. You may interpret his behavior as unprofessional and disrespectful and you are apt to get increasingly annoyed. The other person, however, is likely not to see it the same way. He may instead feel that being on time in life is simply not that important in the overall scheme of things. He may feel instead, for example, that it is more important to get the job done. He may be willing to work long and hard—maybe even staying overtime—to complete any given assignment. Both of you place a different value on timeliness for different reasons which are valid to each of you individually.
Instead of focusing on being “right” when the colleague is late, it would be much more productive for you to explore how you both see the subject of timeliness and what you each might do to minimize the potential conflict that results when he is late. You might get the person to agree to call you if he expects to be late, or you may need to emphasize in advance to him when it is crucial for you to have him be on time. These agreed upon “rules” will help to minimize potential friction in the future between you both.
3. “If we were to agree in the future, what would it look like?”
I learned this last technique from my wife, Margie, who convinced me that looking ahead to the future and imagining a harmonious relationship makes it easier to get to that point.
As an example, let’s say you are discussing the future direction of your company with your management team and there is disagreement. Instead of getting caught up in escalating emotions about some aspect of the company’s vision that you feel strongly about, just slow down and imagine what your company would ideally be like in five or ten years. This technique allows people to focus together on a positive future vision that can serve as an anchor in your interactions today. Again, areas of disagreement tend to become secondary.
Resolving conflict is not always an easy thing to do. Yet, if you take a moment to use these techniques, you may find your anger and frustration slipping away as you take a giant step toward achieving more harmonious working relationships.
The first thing you need to decide when you lose a key manager is whether you need to hire a “winner” or a “potential winner” to replace this person. Winners are individuals who have demonstrated that they can do the exact job you need done. They are hard to find and they cost money, but they are relatively easy to supervise. All they need to know is what the goals are.
If the last manager was a winner and you worked well with that person, you might need to search extensively to get the same type of individual. If you can’t afford or don’t think you can find—or take the time to find—a winner, your next alternative is to hire a potential winner. Potential winners are individuals who have promise, but have not demonstrated the ability do the specific job you need done. They are less expensive to hire but they require time and training to develop the skills for the job at hand. Do you have that kind of time? Can you afford to train someone to take the last person’s place?
As you interview an individual, how do you tell whether you have a winner? Let me suggest a process you might use. When you interview job applicants, attempt to find out as much about them and their background as you can. As they explain their past, probe with appropriate questions along the way to learn how they have arrived at their current position in life. After you get a sense of the person’s personal and professional background, share with him or her the key responsibility areas in the position you have open. Be as detailed as you can regarding your concerns and expectations. This process will give you an initial sense of the quality of person you are dealing with.
After this phase of interviewing, you will be able to narrow down the field to the best potential candidates for the job.
During the second interview, give the person a pad and pencil and have him or her prepare a strategy to follow if he or she were to get the job—that is, what would be done first, followed by what would be done within the next three, six and nine months. Give the applicant an hour to complete this task. Tell him or her that you will want to read the prepared statement as well as listen to an oral presentation. This will give you not only a sense of the person’s ability to think and plan, but it will also indicate his or her level of initiative, organization, and creativity as well as ability to communicate and present ideas verbally and in writing.
After you have heard the presentation, talk about it. Ask what kind of supervision he or she would need from you in each of the key responsibility areas of the position: Close supervision (known in Situational Leadership® II as a Directing leadership style); both direction and support along with participation in decision making (a Coaching leadership style); support, encouragement and listening (a Supporting leadership style); or could you leave the person alone with minimal supervision (a Delegating leadership style)?
Suggest that the amount of direction the person will need will depend on his or her level of competence in the areas of responsibility, and that the amount of support and involvement you will provide will depend on his or her level of confidence in performing each task or goal. For example, for you to effectively use a Delegating leadership style, the person would need to be highly competent and confident at the task at hand. Whereas, if the person is an “enthusiastic beginner” (SLII® language), more direction will be needed. Suggest that the person look at each of the responsibilities separately and be ready to talk with you in terms of what kind of supervision might be necessary.
While your new candidate is working on analyzing his or her own development level and the appropriate leadership style needed to be effectively supervised in each responsibility area, you would do the same in relation to what you have learned about the person. After you each have analyzed appropriate supervisory approaches on various tasks or goals, you would come together and talk about the kind of supervision that person would probably need.
What is fascinating about this exercise is that you are essentially contracting for a leadership style with the person before he or she has been hired. This way, you can find out whether this person is a winner who can be generally supervised or a potential winner who will require a greater degree of direct supervision and control.
Hiring a replacement for a key position is not a simple task—it’s something that must be done with great care. The ideas I’ve presented here have helped me many times to make the best hiring decision—I hope they help you, too!
How We Lead 