I have been thinking about how important it is to be caught doing things right. Some people think you have to be careful; you don’t want to praise people too much, because they’re going to get a big head. People don’t get a big head by getting caught doing things right. People get false pride and big heads because they’re not praised enough. And they start to crave it, and they need it, and they start to push and shove for credit. When I was a kid, I was so fortunate, no matter what I did there was always somebody there—my mom or dad or my sister—to give me an “attaboy” and tell me that I did great. I think one of the reasons why I’m able to keep things in perspective, if I happen to achieve anything, and laugh about it, is because I’ve been told I’m okay all of my life. So I don’t really need or crave it or need to push or shove for it. So I just wanted to say to you how important, again, it is to help people who are important in your life and give them an “attaboy” or “attagirl” and tell them that you love them and you care about them. Because what really makes people feel good in the long run is the belief about that. False pride comes when nobody pays any attention to you and you start to wonder if you’re okay. Everybody needs that pat on the back once in a while.
Author: Ken Blanchard
The ABCs of Personal Power
I was recently reviewing an old concept that I learned years ago called “The ABCs of Personal Power:”
- A stands for Activating Event. It’s anything that can happen to you. It can be good, it can be bad, or whatever. Things will happen. You get praise, you get a reprimand, you get promoted, you lose a job, your house burns down – you know, whatever. It’s something that happens to you in life.
- B stands for your Belief system. That’s where you store your beliefs about yourself, about other people, and about life.
- C is Consequence. What do you do about what happens to you?
We can never control the activating events. Good and bad will happen to you in life. Things show up. The only thing you can control is your belief system—what do you do with what happens? I remember one time when I was a kid, walking with a friend in the woods when a snake came crawling across the path. I’m not a big fan of snakes, so I was about ready to turn around and run. And my friend said, “Don’t run! Snakes are beautiful—look at this thing!” And he bent down and picked up the snake. It was the same activating event from a different belief system. That’s the way it is in life. The same event happening to two different people gets programmed a different way. What do you do when something happens to you? Remember—it’s your belief system that will drive your life. You can’t control what happens to you but you have complete control over what you do about it.
Be an Energizer!
Do you know someone who is an energizer? When somebody is an energizer, when they come in the room, energy starts to increase. People’s energy picks up. Do you know other people who, when they come in, the energy just gets sucked out of the room? Ha! You know, there are people like that. Things just seem down when they come around. And those are the kind of people that you should be nice to, and love them, but don’t hang around them. The question is: Are you an energizer? Does people’s energy increase when you’re with them? When you come home, does the energy pick up or are you the wet blanket that just slinks in? I think it’s so important that you be an energizer and you gather people around you who pick up your energy. Because what really makes organizations great, and families great, is positive energy. And it takes energizers around people to make the energy come out in them, too. So that’s my message today. Be an energizer. When you come in a room, light it up! Make something happen. You don’t have to be an extrovert to do that. Just by your interest and your energy in terms of what you do can make a difference, people can see that, even if you aren’t being Mr. or Ms. Exuberant. Life is about positive energy. So energize people! Energize yourself!
If You’re Talking, You’re Losing
You know, my son Scott gives a presentation called “If You’re Talking, You’re Losing,” which is a really powerful thing. I think we all talk first and listen second. You know that saying about how if God wanted us to speak more than listen he would have given us two mouths—but he gave us two ears. I heard a wonderful thing recently, too: “Lead with your ears.” This is a thing I really need to learn. The problem with some of us is that we get so excited, and we’re so into what we’re doing, that when people talk to us the first thing we do is think about a response. We think about what we’re going to say next. I think I do that too often. So if I’m ever with you and I’m talking too much, just say to me very gently, “Ken—Shut your mouth and use your ears!” Wouldn’t it be neat if we could all feel free to do that with each other? If we would listen, we’d probably learn a lot more. So my thought today for myself and probably all of us is: Listen more and speak less. And remember when people say things, even if it sounds like it’s going to be a problem if you do something with what they say, separate out listening from deciding what you’re going to do. Listen first and decide second. Listen, listen, listen.
Servant Leadership
It’s so interesting, chatting with people about what it means to really be a servant leader, and how much that’s needed everywhere. Why do we get off track? I think it gets back to the ego. You know, where you get false pride and you start thinking more of yourself than you should, and you’re kind of pushing and shoving for your own interests. How do people with false pride and that whole “It’s all about me” thing get away with it? Well, it’s another ego group that permits it to happen. That’s the group of self doubt—the people who fear. They think less of themselves than they should. They’re trying to protect themselves; they don’t want to speak out. What happens in a lot of organizations where you have self-serving leaders is that you get a lot of people who “quit and stay.” You have a whole bunch of people who are afraid to speak up and say something when people seem to be operating all on self interest. So the other self interest is to protect yourself so you can have a job tomorrow. So how do we get people to really lead at a higher level? You have to constantly look inside yourself. Why are we leading? What are we doing to bring out the magnificence in the people around us? How do we avoid that ego thing that’s there every day to trap us? Remember that you’re here to serve, not to be served. On a day that honors a very important servant leader, it’s a big, big thing to remember.
How We Lead 