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I often have people come up to me after I’ve given a speech and say, “Boy, would I love to be able to do that for a living—go around the country and give speeches.” When I ask them why they don’t, they say, “Oh, I could never do that.”
Did you know that the fear of public speaking is higher on the list of fears than the fear of death? This probably doesn’t surprise any of you who have dreaded having to make a presentation. Some individuals have such an aversion to public speaking that they may even decline career opportunities based on the chance that they will have to speak in front of others. While this may seem startling or sad, the truth of the matter is that public speaking is a learnable skill. People who feel inadequate about themselves in front of a group can learn to become good speakers.
I firmly believe there are three things that can impact your performance in public speaking: body language, routine, and your belief system.
Body Language. If you want to become a good public speaker, closely watch other public speakers to see what they do and how they carry their body. For example, I have observed that good public speakers walk with their shoulders back and their heads high and use a lot of hand and arm gestures. If you are nervous, hold your head up and your shoulders back and say, “I am feeling good. I am feeling really good.” Silly as it may seem, this actually works. The mind does not know the difference between what it perceives and what you tell it to perceive. Think of a time when you were feeling very confident and productive in some area in your life. How did you act? How did you walk? How did you talk? What did you do? It’s pretty hard to feel inadequate if you walk and act like you know what you’re doing.
Routine. What is the routine people use when they make a presentation? When you see a good bowler, for example, they always start at the same mark, take the same number of steps, and release the ball in the same way. By getting a routine established, you signal your brain that all is well. If the material I’m speaking on is new to me, I try to practice it several times with others—friends, employees, family—prior to delivering it to a group I don’t know. I get feedback each time, and I try to think of questions audience members are likely to have while I’m speaking. I also use notes until the information becomes second nature to me. Before I give a speech, I usually engage in deep breathing and a quick review of what I plan to say, which I may do with someone I’m with just prior to my presentation. When I get on my feet, the first thing I do is tell some funny story that gets the audience relaxed and gets me relaxed. Then I can get into my speech. Now a lot of people tell me, “But I’m not good at telling jokes.” Well, this too can be learned. Experiment with what works best for you in breaking the ice with a group.
Belief System. Finally, what are the thoughts and beliefs that you have about public speaking? The late, great speech coach Dorothy Sarnoff used to suggest repeating these words to yourself before giving a speech: “I’m glad I’m here. I’m glad you’re here. I know what I know and I care about you.” Repeating these thoughts can change your belief system so that you actually become glad you are there and glad the audience is there. You know what you know and you can then stop worrying about not being good enough or perhaps not being able to answer a question that is asked. When you focus on caring about the people in the audience, it becomes difficult to be fearful of the same group or of the situation. Once you start saying this over and over, it will have a tremendous impact on your level of confidence.
After applying these principles, you need to practice, practice, practice to hone your skill. Seek opportunities to make presentations or join a Toastmasters International club in your area. It will then only be a matter of time before you can perform as a professional and experience the joy and excitement of sharing your thoughts and helping others in the process. Good luck!
I had a wonderful time recently, playing in a charity golf tournament with coworkers Steve Murphy, Randy Conley, and Brent Bystedt. It was really a lot of fun; we played a scramble.
One of the things it reminded me of—and this is so important to Colleen Barrett and Herb Kelleher at Southwest—is you really have fun in life and do well when you take what you do seriously, but yourself lightly. That was really evident as we were playing golf. We were trying to do the best we can, but we were laughing and enjoying ourselves. I don’t think there’s anybody who is more fun to be around than Steve Murphy. He’s one of our great consulting partners and he is absolutely fun. He takes what he does seriously but himself lightly, and I think that’s what endears him to clients. Read the rest of this entry »
In San Diego we’re in the middle of a six-month “Season of Service” movement with businesses, civic agencies, and churches all pitching in with community volunteers to serve others. For years I’ve been dreaming about how we can make San Diego a servant leadership town – how in the near future people will come here and say, “What an amazing place to live—just look at the way government and business and education and neighborhoods interact – everyone seems to be out to serve each other and solve problems, not to be self serving.”
My larger dream is that leadership throughout the world will be composed of people who lead at a higher level and, in the process, serve first and lead second. That’s a really tall order, and I might sound like a dreamer. But read this wonderful quote from Harriet Tubman:
“Every great dream begins with a dreamer.
Always remember, you have within you
the strength, the patience, and the passion
to reach for the stars to change the world.”
Why not? What do you want to do to change the world? Remember, you can do it by the moment-to-moment interactions with your family, your friends, your colleagues, and everyone you meet. What’s your dream for changing the world? Go ahead, be a dreamer!
Not too long ago I was an emcee at a conference in Florida and it was great. There were three interesting speakers—Craig Groeschel, who founded Lifechurch.tv, Andy Stanley, pastor of North Point Community Church near Atlanta, and then we had the famous author Patrick Lencioni.
I learned a lot from these guys. It was so interesting – all three of them talked about ego issues.
* Craig talked about how a lot of people have fear and let that fear stop them. He said you need to push through the pain and do what’s right.
* Patrick Lencioni has a new book called “Getting Naked,” which is all about being vulnerable. He thinks people in business shouldn’t try to act as if they’re perfect – people will really admire that. Colleen Barrett from Southwest Airlines has also said that people admire your strengths, but they love your vulnerability.
* And then Andy Stanley talked about how if you do less and delegate more, you are going to get a lot more accomplished. A lot of times people try to achieve things beyond their abilities because they are afraid to delegate to other people. That’s when you end up trying to do everything—and of course you’re going to fall short. Then you’re in trouble.
That sounds like the fear of false pride – where you think more of yourself than you should, and you don’t want to appear vulnerable. The other fear is where you have self doubt – and think less of yourself than you should. This really reinforces the importance of our whole self leadership program—really effective leadership starts from the inside. It starts with you, whether you’re trying to influence kids at home, or coworkers, or as a manager with your people, or what have you. It’s so important that you know who you are, and that you realize that you are NOT your performance or the opinion of others. You can do what’s right. You can also share and be vulnerable. When you make a mistake, you can push through fear.
I just love learning. Make sure this week to learn a lot. Maybe there’s still time today to learn something!
There is a Positive Psychology course that Margie and I have been taking that is really interesting. We ran into a guy named Nathaniel Branden, who wrote about the six pillars of self-confidence. His big theme is nobody’s coming. If you are thinking about someone who is going to get you out of a situation, and you’re waiting for them to take all the action, the reality is that people can do things, but nobody is really coming. What are you going to do? One thing that’s interesting is the difference between passive victims—people who are in a situation and immediately go to self-pity—“This is really tough.” Then they want to point fingers and blame other people. This leads to frustration, and eventually anger, and things kind of spiral down that way. This is the passive victim that somehow thinks their fate is in somebody else’s hands, versus the active agent who takes action—“Okay, this is tough, but what am I going to do? What can I do in my area? What ideas do I have?” They are willing to take responsibility, which is being able to respond, and give suggestions that will help. They have a feeling of confidence—“Somehow we’re going to make it through this thing together.” This leads to hope and optimism. We all need to take action—what can we do to help? Let’s work on responsibility. I have confidence and hope. What is it that makes some people be able to pull out of tough times? It’s all about resiliency. So remember—we’re all responsible somewhat for the condition we’re in. So be an active agent, not a passive victim. Life is a very special occasion. Don’t miss it with a lot of negative energy.
Have you ever noticed how you can look forward to something for so long, and then all of a sudden it’s upon you, and then it’s gone? I think that should teach us that life is to be lived one day at a time, and in the present. My friend Spencer Johnson had a great message years ago in his book The Precious Present. He said that we need to learn from the past, but not live there. Plan the future, but don’t live there. Because we are at our happiest when we’re living life in the present – one day at a time. So if you look forward to something for a long time, and then it’s gone, now you’re back to your regular life – what are you going to do about that? It’s interesting and powerful to recognize that life should be lived in the present. Time flies. We’re here for such a short period of time. So enjoy every single day. And reach out and tell someone you love them and you care about them, because when all is said and done, as I’ve said many times, the only thing that counts is who you love and who loves you.
Last week and this week we are having a “Blanchard March Madness” tournament here at the corporate office. Last week we had some individual competitions including HORSE and a Sharpshooter tournament, and this week we are having 3-on-3 games. Well, on Thursday we had the finals of the individual competitions, and do you know who won the sharpshooting contest? Yours truly! Ha! I made 16 out of 20 shots from the foul line. What a great time we had, and I couldn’t believe I beat all the youngsters here at the office!
It was interesting. I’m proofreading the second edition of The Mulligan that I wrote with Wally Armstrong, about golf and faith. There’s a lot of mental stuff in there too. Tony Robbins said that if you want to perform well, there are three aspects. One is focus—you have to see yourself doing well. And you know, I used to be a great foul shooter when I was younger, so I just saw myself pouring the shots in. Then Tony said you have to have the physiology—you have to walk like you know what you’re talking about. So when it was my turn, I just walked there like I knew what I was doing. And then Tony said you have to have a routine. So I bounced the ball and tossed it around the same way every time before I went for the shot. So I made 16 out of 20 at the line, which even surprised me.
I also read in there what we wrote about playing NATO golf—Not Attached To Outcome. So you’re not worried about your outcome, you’re just going with the flow. Last week we were at a program called Inspire San Diego. The guy who put it on was Greg Reid, who cowrote a book called Three Feet from Gold, which really built on the ideas from Think and Grow Rich, the classic book by Napoleon Hill. Just listen to this line from Napoleon Hill: “There are many things you cannot control, but you can control the only thing that really matters—your mind and your attitude. External forces have very little to do with success. Those who program themselves for success find a way to succeed even in the most difficult of circumstances. Solutions to most problems come from one source, and one source alone: yourself. You can do it if you believe you can. You control your destiny. Decide to live life to the fullest. You may be three feet from gold.”
That was fun. Life is a very special occasion, don’t miss it!
Although the U.S. unemployment rate is estimated to be 10%, if you look at the age groups of our talent base that’s out of work, it is far higher among recent college grads and estimated to be 20% or more among those between the ages of 20-30. Many people have proposed a “job corps” like the Peace Corps, where young people would serve their communities for a year or two, and their education debts would be forgiven based on the duration of their service.
There is so much energy and passion among this age group just entering the workforce, and so much social entrepreneurship happening from this new generation. It is a shame that we may be facing a “lost generation” of new workers due to the economy!
My friend Harvey Mackay has a new book called Use Your Head To Get Your Foot In The Door: Job Search Secrets No One Else Will Tell You. Whatever age you are, if you are frustrated with your job search, or you’re facing a career change, you will get some very practical insights.
People are more discouraged than ever. But stay positive!
Finding a job and advancing a career is tough work. People need an inspirational force behind them and Harvey will share that journey with you. This is a great book, and everybody today, whether they have a job or are looking for one, will find a lot of useful information.
I was recently reviewing an old concept that I learned years ago called “The ABCs of Personal Power:”
- A stands for Activating Event. It’s anything that can happen to you. It can be good, it can be bad, or whatever. Things will happen. You get praise, you get a reprimand, you get promoted, you lose a job, your house burns down – you know, whatever. It’s something that happens to you in life.
- B stands for your Belief system. That’s where you store your beliefs about yourself, about other people, and about life.
- C is Consequence. What do you do about what happens to you?
We can never control the activating events. Good and bad will happen to you in life. Things show up. The only thing you can control is your belief system—what do you do with what happens? I remember one time when I was a kid, walking with a friend in the woods when a snake came crawling across the path. I’m not a big fan of snakes, so I was about ready to turn around and run. And my friend said, “Don’t run! Snakes are beautiful—look at this thing!” And he bent down and picked up the snake. It was the same activating event from a different belief system. That’s the way it is in life. The same event happening to two different people gets programmed a different way. What do you do when something happens to you? Remember—it’s your belief system that will drive your life. You can’t control what happens to you but you have complete control over what you do about it.
