Try to keep focused on leading with a servant’s heart.  It can be part of your daily habits, such as how you enter your day by reminding yourself of the difference you can make in the world. It’s a matter of making a habit of practicing a helpful attitude when you are interacting with people. The question you want to keep top of mind is, “How can I help?”

For instance, if someone comes to you and says, “I’m sick and tired that nobody seems to notice my contributions around here,” you could say to that person, “What I am hearing from you is that you don’t think your work is appreciated. I think you are doing a wonderful job on …” and then be very specific as to what that person is doing right.  After that, ask, “What can I do to help you get over this feeling of not being important enough? How can I help you through this?”

Or, if someone is coming from fear and saying, “I can’t believe it, I just got another project dumped on me and I don’t have time in my day to work on it,” let that person know you understand by saying something such as, “Wow, I can hear that you’re really overwhelmed right now. Is there a way I can help you with this? Is there anyone I can talk to that might be able to partner with you?”

A phrase I like is lead with your ears.  Really listen to the person you are interacting with and see if you can respond in a caring and heartfelt way. When you ask the question “How can I help?” you’ll be amazed at how quickly it can diffuse the frustration another person is feeling.  It can make an immediate difference to upset or fearful people just to know their concerns are being heard. By leading with your servant’s heart, you will set an example others can use to get away from their egos, move forward, and make a positive difference in someone else’s day.

First, consider the act of listening. God gave us two ears and one mouth.  This ratio of personal communication instruments should give us a clue about the proportion of time that each should be used!  The hallmark of a good leader is the ability to listen to others, no matter what they want to say. It’s amazing how often this simple truth still mystifies leaders who think that their position means they should talk first and ask questions later, if ever. Many leaders forget how to be humble and recognize that they don’t know everything.  In reality, they often have a great deal to learn about those they supervise as well as the job those people are doing. For some reason, they confuse their job title with some sort of overall expertise, which makes them overbearing and foolish in the eyes of their subordinates.

A second point concerns respect.  I personally think it is a very important point to remember. Specifically, managers should treat those closest to them as though they were strangers.  Let me explain that statement. Because we have people in our lives with whom we become very familiar, either at the workplace or at home, it is very easy to slip into a rather casual attitude toward these people who know us best. The result is sometimes an outward appearance of a lack of respect or love, expressed by how we speak or behave. When we are upset, busy or unhappy, it is very easy for us to snap at those closest to us. We may shout or become nasty or insulting simply because someone is nearby. However, if the telephone rings with a stranger on the line, we can immediately switch to a sweet, kind and considerate persona. Why?  Because we would never insult a stranger with our surly attitude. This just doesn’t make sense. Why should you abuse your colleague, close friend, or child just because that person is nearby when a bad mood strikes?  The answer is: You shouldn’t. Don’t beat up people emotionally just because you know they’re familiar with your mood swings.

Remember, the people you are closest to, at work and at home, deserve to be listened to and respected. Do you lead this way? Does your boss?

Saying no is simple, but not simply done by most people.  I have tried all kinds of ways to say no in my life.  When I was a professor at the University of Massachusetts, for example, I became so overwhelmed with things I had agreed to do that I sent out a letter to a number of people saying, “I am dying—dying from good opportunities.  If I don’t do something about it, I will not be long for this world.”  Then my letter went on to say that I had to drop a number of things I had agreed to do, just for survival.  I apologized to each reader because I had to drop something I had planned to do with that person.  The letter helped me out of the crisis in the short run, but was not something that made me proud.

To be effective in the long run in relieving overload, I’ve determined that you have to have a systematic approach and philosophy on saying no.  I recommend three steps:

1)  Be clear about what you are doing, and what your priorities are. If you are purposeful about how you are currently managing your work and time, it is easier to say no to new activities that are seemingly less important. We have a saying in one of our programs that goes, “A person who does not have goals is used by someone who does.”

To be proactive about saying no, you need to be very clear about your own goals. What are you trying to accomplish during a given period of time?  How can you focus your energy on things that will move you toward those goals?  This doesn’t mean you have to be rigid and inflexible if a new assignment or opportunity comes along, it just means your goals become your reality check. Within those goals, set priorities and stick to them. Then you will be better able to discern whether something is consistent with your job or area of expertise, which will make it easier to determine if you should take it on.

All good performance starts with clear goals.  Without them you will quickly be a victim, because you will have no framework to make decisions about where you should or shouldn’t focus your energy.  I become much better at saying no when I am more clear about my focus and what my goals are.

2)  Be clear and realistic about the consequences of doing one more thing. This is for yourself as well as the person who wants you to do something new.  I’ve found the best approach is to be honest and direct.  For example, say, “If I do this, I won’t be able to do the other things I’ve committed to.”  Or, if for no other reason than past history, you can say, “With what I’ve got going on right now, if I take on this additional task I feel certain that I won’t do as good a job as I’d like, and we will both be disappointed.”

In recent years when a new opportunity has come my way that I know I’m not able to do, I often compliment the idea (if I feel it has merit) and then simply say:  “I don’t choose to get involved.”  I’m amazed how, when I use this powerful approach, people very seldom say, “Well, why can’t you do it?”  They just accept it and say, “Thank you.”

3)  Offer alternatives and solutions. Suggest someone else who you feel could do the job or who may be available sooner to work on the task.  If the request is from your manager, suggest a project or priority you are working on that could be dropped, delayed, or given to someone else, or ask your manager to do the same.

The degree of flexibility between these three approaches is, of course, a function of exactly what the task is, who is asking you to take it on, and the time frame involved.  A request from your manager is going to involve more consideration and discussion than a request from an associate or someone you don’t know. Still, these basic approaches work.

Research done by Charles Garfield, author of the Peak Performance trilogy, clearly shows that peak performers only focus on a few key things.  And the late, great leadership expert Peter Drucker asserted that the people who truly get things done are “monomaniacs on a mission”—people who focus intensely on one thing at a time.  The more you take on, the greater the chance that you will lose effectiveness in not only getting that particular task done, but in all aspects of your life.  Keep in mind that when you say no to someone, you are not saying no to them, only to their proposition. And never forget the old expression: “Nobody can take advantage of you without your permission.”

If you’re going to succeed, you need to train your manager to give you what you need.  Fortunately, this is easier than it may sound—perhaps as easy as 1,2,3:

1. Give your manager what he/she needs to be successful. It’s going to be difficult to get your manager to make special efforts to help you if you don’t first show, through your actions, that you are worthy of such special effort.  Be responsive both in promptly doing what is asked of you, as well as volunteering to help on special projects and responsibilities.  Be proactive, try to anticipate your manager’s needs, and help to meet those needs.  Take a moment on occasion to ask what else you could be doing to help out.  Your attitude and behavior on this first step paves the way for the next step.

2. Tell your manager what you need from him/her to be successful in your job. After you have confirmed with your manager what is expected of you in your job, state what you’ll need from him/her for you to succeed.  This is where your knowledge of One Minute Management can be used to get the results you want.  Identify simple, clear, and specific One Minute Goals for each item you will be counting on for your manager to deliver, and then set realistic time frames for when those items can be done.

3. Follow up on 1 and 2. By doing what you say you’ll do, when you say you’ll do it, you will build a reputation for being dependable and responsible.  By tactfully following up on items your manager agreed to do, you will build the expectation of reciprocity.

When your manager follows through on a commitment to you, use One Minute Praising to positively reinforce the behavior.  I am constantly amazed at how many employees feel that managers don’t need praisings!  After all—so goes the logic—that’s why managers are paid more.  It’s as if by making more money managers graduate to being appreciated less!  Let me let you in on a secret:  People are never too old or too high up in an organization to not want praisings—it’s human nature. Everyone likes others to notice things they worked hard to achieve. Give your manager a praising today and see for yourself!  And remember to praise progress—don’t wait until something is done perfectly before you say something.

If your manager does not follow through on a commitment to do something for you, you need some subtle form of a One Minute Reprimand.  Either reestablish the goal while checking on what you could do to move things along, or redirect your manager’s efforts toward a more feasible and realistic task.  Of course, you won’t have the position power to reprimand your manager, but the more you have built your personal power with him/her, the more likely a subtle reminder will work to get things back on track.

So don’t lament that your manager hasn’t created the perfect working environment for you—do something about it!  Take control of your work life, and learn how to get what you want from your manager in order to make things happen for you and the company.  People who learn the skills of managing up will soon be the ones who move up in today’s organizations.

Now, how many people do you know who have received a prize or had their picture in the paper because they were a good listener?  Darned few, I’ll wager. And yet, it’s rare to find a really good listener.

It’s too bad more people don’t take an active interest in listening, because much of listening involves getting feedback, a commodity which I consider to be a gift.  When people tell you something that is important and useful, it means they care enough about you to give honest, sincere, and accurate data, which you should have.

Of course, your reaction to feedback, regardless of its content, will determine whether you will continue to get useful information from others.  After all, if someone knows you are likely to become upset about something they’re communicating, they’ll eventually stop giving you information. If people know you’ll reject them or their message when they are honest with you, you’ll be working in the dark without the necessary intelligence about yourself or your environment.  For a manager, this can be extremely dangerous.  Here are four ways you can become a better listener:

First, always acknowledge with appreciation the person who gives you the feedback.  You may dislike the information, but it may be potentially useful data you need in order to be more effective. Remember to disassociate the message from the messenger.

Second, don’t try to listen and think at the same time.  I know it sounds crazy—just listen to the information as it comes to you.  Disconnect your mental data processor and merely gather the data; process it at a later time.  Get as much information as possible, and ask questions that may expand or clarify the situation.  Keep pumping for details. The more information you have, the better.

Third, don’t try to solve a problem while listening.  If you do this, your listening capabilities will greatly diminish, if not stop.  Process all the details and then decide how to use the data.  If you rush to react to news without having received all the information, it is possible that your actions will be faulty because the information is incomplete.

Finally, if you are receiving some unpleasant information you don’t especially want to hear, don’t blow up.  Keep yourself under control.  As I stated earlier, if someone knows you’ll verbally abuse them when they give you unpleasant news, they’ll eventually stop giving you any news at all—good or bad.

To review, the steps to effective listening are: 1. Thank the person for the information.  2. Gather as many details as possible.  3. Act only after you have all the facts.  4. When receiving negative feedback, maintain your composure.  And always remember one of my favorite sayings taught to me by a former colleague, Rick Tate:  Feedback is the breakfast of champions!

The most basic needs are physiological, including food, water and air.  These are the basic ingredients that sustain.  Once people have these basic needs, they are concerned about safety and security.  They don’t want to get hurt in their environment, and they want a job—not only this week, but next week as well.

After people feel safe and secure, they want to belong.  They want to be a part of the group.  Feeling “in” is the key.  When these social needs are satisfied, most people then want to be important.  They want to stand apart from the crowd.  They have needs for esteem and recognition.

The highest level of need according to Maslow, is self actualization.  This is a maximizing concept.  The person is doing what he or she is really capable of doing.  To me, the ultimate in self-actualization is when a person is confused about the difference between work and play.

Some people have the belief that once they reach the upper levels of fulfillment, they will always stay there.  That’s not true.  A person can be self-actualizing in a job one day and then because of economic hard times be laid off.  The next day, the most important thing to that person could be job security. It’s very important to know what is motivating a person at a given moment in time.  It is important to realize that circumstance might change, and with it, those things that motivate a person.

Give someone a job, and the next day that individual might need to feel “in” on things and want to be involved in the decision-making process.  People are ready to participate and get involved in decision making as long as they feel safe and secure.  Threaten their job security and see what happens when you ask for suggestions to increase productivity.  People usually will do one of two things:  Either they will clam up, or they will try to determine who has the most power in the room and who could hurt them the most. Then they will tell that person exactly what that person wants to hear.  In other words, they play it safe.

This phenomenon works in the opposite direction, too.  In the past, a person might have responded well to a salary increase.  But that is not motivational anymore.  The person now wants more responsibility.  In other words, as conditions and times change, so do those things which motivate.

You might say, “This sounds confusing.  It’s too complex.  I can’t figure out what people want all the time.”  The answer to this apparent dilemma is to ask questions, listen, and observe.  Assume nothing—then you won’t be surprised.

Just remember—while organizations have goals that need to be accomplished, people within the organization have needs that must be satisfied, too.  The successful manager will try to fulfill those needs that provide motivational satisfaction while people work to achieve the organization’s goals.  In other words, a win-win situation should be created for the individual and the organization.

1.  Don’t attack someone personally.  Never begin a reprimand with a statement such as, “Listen Fred, you idiot, …”  Address the problem at hand.  Be specific about what was done incorrectly.  It is never okay to insult a person just because you are upset.

2.  Don’t store up reprimands.  By this I mean don’t wait “for a good time” to deliver one or more reprimands.  The best time to give a reprimand is immediately after the incorrect behavior or action has occurred.  If you wait a week or so to discuss the problem with the individual, and then throw in some other problems you have observed in the past months, your impact on that person’s behavior will not be very effective.  Accumulated griefs and problems will only make you feel bad.  When you do finally “dump” on the person, there will be so much to digest, and the error so far removed from the actual event, you’ll just end up blowing off a lot of steam, which will have little or no impact or effect on behavior.

3.  Don’t threaten people.  Such threats will either immobilize them with fear or cause considerable resentment.  Stick to the point.  Point out the error or incorrect behavior.  Then reaffirm them by telling them they’re okay—but their actions need to be modified.

4.  Don’t reprimand people in public.  Public fireworks, such as chewing out an employee in front of a customer, is a technique used only by bullies.  It’s thoughtless, damaging, and embarrassing for everyone.  If you have occasion to reprimand a person, do it privately.

Before you give a reprimand—think!  If someone has done something wrong you must ask yourself, “Should he or she have known better?” If the answer is “No” then the person is obviously still unfamiliar with his or her assigned responsibilities or task.  In this case, Do Not Reprimand.  Never reprimand a beginner—be it an experienced employee working in a new position or your own child learning to tie his shoelaces.  It will only cause confusion or outright discouragement.  In this instance, your role as a manager is to help, or redirect, the person who is having a problem.

However, if a person should have known better, then you must ask yourself, “Did they make the mistake deliberately, or might it have been because they lacked confidence?”  If the problem revolves around confidence, Do Not Reprimand. You need to determine the reason for the problem causing this lack of confidence.  It could be that there is a new situation which is unsettling to an experienced worker.  For example, perhaps a long-time sales clerk makes many errors on the new cash register.  If so, the reason is probably a lack of confidence with the buttons or the new routine required when ringing up sales.  In such a situation, a supportive managerial style is required.  No one needs to reprimand this clerk. Rather, the clerk needs some training and some practice on the new register, coupled with support from an understanding boss.  Reprimands have no place in this example.

Remember to only reprimand deliberate, regressive performance or behavior.

The first breath is the Centering Breath – you just breathe in, into your center right below your belly button. Just center yourself and feel your breath.

Once you have really centered yourself, then the next breath is your Visionary Breath. The vision is the best you that you can possibly be for that day, no matter what you’re doing at work or at home or in the neighborhood or the community—what’s the best you that you can possibly be?

After you do that, then take what Tom calls a Discovery Breath, which means to be open to learning. Be open to getting new information, don’t be defensive. Make the day a challenging and wonderful day.

So what a wonderful three breaths – the Centering Breath, the Visioning Breath, and the Discovery Breath. That can settle you before a meeting – do those three deep breaths – or before anything that you’re going to do. So center yourself and then be open towards things.

Take time to breathe and get yourself centered and visioned and discovered. Have a great week!

He told how he was in a hotel room in London one evening and was getting ready to watch an English comedy and have a couple of beers when he heard an alarm start ringing. He didn’t pay any attention to it—like we sometimes do with alarms because they often go off by mistake. But all of a sudden, someone was banging on the door and telling him to get outside. So he found himself outside wearing just his shorts and T-shirt and those slippers you get at hotels. He ended up out there for a couple of hours, on a cool London evening.  If he had responded to the alarm right away, he might have had time to put on warmer clothing and maybe a jacket. Later, as he was flying home, he started thinking about that incident and about what alarm bells he may have in his personal and professional life that he may not be paying attention to. Garry asked himself what alarms were going off personally—“Well, I’m overweight and not exercising enough.” And in business—“Am I telling people who really work hard that I care about them enough?”

I think an interesting thing for us all to do is get out a sheet of paper, divide it in half—personal and business—and just think about those alarm bells. Is there anything that’s happening that you aren’t paying attention to because of the noise of life, the busy-ness of life, that maybe could be an alarm bell that, if you really paid attention it, you could be better prepared? I just think it’s a wonderful exercise, both personally and in business. Take a look at those alarm bells. I’m going to do some thinking about this myself—what are the things I’m ignoring, and what am I really paying attention to?

Have a great day. Watch out for those alarm bells—they could be there for a reason and might help you more than you think.