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Have you ever noticed how you can look forward to something for so long, and then all of a sudden it’s upon you, and then it’s gone? I think that should teach us that life is to be lived one day at a time, and in the present. My friend Spencer Johnson had a great message years ago in his book The Precious Present. He said that we need to learn from the past, but not live there. Plan the future, but don’t live there. Because we are at our happiest when we’re living life in the present – one day at a time. So if you look forward to something for a long time, and then it’s gone, now you’re back to your regular life – what are you going to do about that? It’s interesting and powerful to recognize that life should be lived in the present. Time flies. We’re here for such a short period of time. So enjoy every single day. And reach out and tell someone you love them and you care about them, because when all is said and done, as I’ve said many times, the only thing that counts is who you love and who loves you.
Last week and this week we are having a “Blanchard March Madness” tournament here at the corporate office. Last week we had some individual competitions including HORSE and a Sharpshooter tournament, and this week we are having 3-on-3 games. Well, on Thursday we had the finals of the individual competitions, and do you know who won the sharpshooting contest? Yours truly! Ha! I made 16 out of 20 shots from the foul line. What a great time we had, and I couldn’t believe I beat all the youngsters here at the office!
It was interesting. I’m proofreading the second edition of The Mulligan that I wrote with Wally Armstrong, about golf and faith. There’s a lot of mental stuff in there too. Tony Robbins said that if you want to perform well, there are three aspects. One is focus—you have to see yourself doing well. And you know, I used to be a great foul shooter when I was younger, so I just saw myself pouring the shots in. Then Tony said you have to have the physiology—you have to walk like you know what you’re talking about. So when it was my turn, I just walked there like I knew what I was doing. And then Tony said you have to have a routine. So I bounced the ball and tossed it around the same way every time before I went for the shot. So I made 16 out of 20 at the line, which even surprised me.
I also read in there what we wrote about playing NATO golf—Not Attached To Outcome. So you’re not worried about your outcome, you’re just going with the flow. Last week we were at a program called Inspire San Diego. The guy who put it on was Greg Reid, who cowrote a book called Three Feet from Gold, which really built on the ideas from Think and Grow Rich, the classic book by Napoleon Hill. Just listen to this line from Napoleon Hill: “There are many things you cannot control, but you can control the only thing that really matters—your mind and your attitude. External forces have very little to do with success. Those who program themselves for success find a way to succeed even in the most difficult of circumstances. Solutions to most problems come from one source, and one source alone: yourself. You can do it if you believe you can. You control your destiny. Decide to live life to the fullest. You may be three feet from gold.”
That was fun. Life is a very special occasion, don’t miss it!
Occasionally Margie and I lead a couples’ workshop that lasts a day and a half. It’s really interesting—you might say, “What does leadership training have to do with couples in a marriage relationship?” It is such a powerful thing, we found out, because as a lot of you know, we define leadership as an influence process. Anytime you’re trying to influence the thinking, beliefs, or development of another person, you are engaging in leadership. When you ask people about the most influential people in their lives, they don’t normally mention bosses at work. They talk about their mother, father, grandfather, uncle, or a coach or teacher. There is a lot of life role leadership that goes on, informally, in families and in friendships and all. Leadership in the home is life role leadership. It’s probably the most important leadership role you could ever have.
In our work, you know we say that leadership is a transformational journey starting with self leadership, then moving to one-on-one leadership, then to team leadership, and then to organizational leadership. And as we look at families, it becomes really clear that self leadership really starts with just finding out who you are and whose you are, and getting perspective on your life. Then you move to a marriage relationship, and that’s when you’re trying to influence each other, one on one. Then when kids come along—now we’re talking about team leadership. How do you build a community? How do you get people to recognize that none of us is as smart as all of us, and really create that team environment? And then the organizational leadership of a family would be the extended family. What do you do with your in-laws and outlaws and cousins and that whole thing? That’s something most people don’t think about as a leadership position, and yet in a family, it’s a whole different element. So it’s kind of fascinating. Through our training we realize that these concepts apply at home as much as they do in business. So learning how to be a good leader is good for everyone.
I was recently reviewing an old concept that I learned years ago called “The ABCs of Personal Power:”
- A stands for Activating Event. It’s anything that can happen to you. It can be good, it can be bad, or whatever. Things will happen. You get praise, you get a reprimand, you get promoted, you lose a job, your house burns down – you know, whatever. It’s something that happens to you in life.
- B stands for your Belief system. That’s where you store your beliefs about yourself, about other people, and about life.
- C is Consequence. What do you do about what happens to you?
We can never control the activating events. Good and bad will happen to you in life. Things show up. The only thing you can control is your belief system—what do you do with what happens? I remember one time when I was a kid, walking with a friend in the woods when a snake came crawling across the path. I’m not a big fan of snakes, so I was about ready to turn around and run. And my friend said, “Don’t run! Snakes are beautiful—look at this thing!” And he bent down and picked up the snake. It was the same activating event from a different belief system. That’s the way it is in life. The same event happening to two different people gets programmed a different way. What do you do when something happens to you? Remember—it’s your belief system that will drive your life. You can’t control what happens to you but you have complete control over what you do about it.
You know, I think sometimes you really can make your dreams come true. Margie has often said, “A goal is a dream with a deadline.” As you think of your New Year’s resolutions, go ahead and dream about the person you want to be or the thing you want to do. When you start to send energy out to dream, people just may show up in your life to help you accomplish it. That’s what happened when Spencer Johnson and I wrote The One Minute Manager. In May 1982, the book was coming out and in September, Spencer Johnson and I met at the La Jolla Cove. We had The New York Times book review section and a bottle of champagne, and we set our goals and our dreams for this book. We dreamed that we would be able to sell 500,000 copies—no business book had ever sold that many—and we dreamed that it would be on The New York Times bestseller list for six months. We celebrated, we clicked the glasses as we were sitting there with the bestseller list, and it was just really a fun time. This was on a Sunday. On Monday I was getting on a plane in San Diego going to Chicago, and I introduced myself to the guy sitting next to me in First Class. I said, “What do you do?” and he said, “I’m a regional sales manager for B. Dalton.” I said, “You sell books?” and he said, “Sure, we have 750 stores.” And I started talking to this guy and I designed a whole strategy to get to the business and economic buyers of B. Dalton and Waldenbooks and all the bookstores. And I said to this guy, “You weren’t supposed to be sitting here, were you?” and he said, “How did you know that? They goofed up my ticket and at the last minute I was upgraded to First Class.” I said, “You had no choice. I sucked you into this seat with the energy from my dream and our vision about this book.” So dream big in 2010! And let other people know what your dream is so that maybe they can help it come true. Have a wonderful dreaming year and let’s see what kind of things you can accomplish at work and at home and in the community. Be the best you can be in 2010.
The other day, I had a really interesting conversation. I spent time with Robert Strock, who is an incredible psychiatrist, and my friend Phil Hodges. One of the things we talked about that was fascinating was the theory that anger really comes from hidden sadness. If somebody is upset with you, rather than coming back with anger and being upset as well, try this: Quiet yourself, get out your servant heart, and see if you can find out what’s really causing that energy. It’s like peeling back an onion.
So this holiday season, with everybody running around and getting stressed, if somebody gets upset, just quiet yourself and ask if there is anything you can do to help. Just be there for the person and really try to find out where the sadness is coming from. Life is really very interesting if we really take time to get to know each other and be with each other. So hug somebody this weekend and tell them you love them. Take care, and have a Merry Christmas!
This morning I was listening to Tony Robbins. I went and got a tape of Tony after being with him recently. He was saying a lot of people acquaint happiness with having no problems. He says that’s crazy. It reminded me of one of Norman Vincent Peale’s favorite stories. Norman was walking down the street in New York City when he ran into a friend of his and said, “How are you doing?” Norman thought it was just a casual greeting, but the guy took it as an invitation and he lay down all of his problems at Norman’s feet. After about twenty minutes, he was finished and he said, “Norman, if you can solve all of my problems, I’ll give you a check for $5,000 to give to your favorite charity.” Norman said that he had never turned down such a challenge, so he ruminated and he cogitated and he agitated and he came up with a solution. He said, “I was just at an organization the other day where people have no problems. Would you like to go there?” And his friend said, “That’s exactly where I want be.” And Norman said, “I’ll take you there tomorrow. It’s called Woodlawn Cemetery. The only people I know who have no problems are dead.” Problems are a way of life, so if you equate your happiness to not having any problems, you’re going to be naïve for the rest of your life. Happy people know how to deal with problems. They don’t get bogged down with problems. They solve problems. They work on problems. But they don’t let problems take over their life. You know, sometimes you put a problem on your back and it drags you down. What you have to do is to say, “How do I solve this?” Happiness and problems go together. So as Tony said, it’s your attitude—it’s what you bring to a problem—that can result in a positive solution, So if you have any problems today, great! You’ll probably have a happier day.
Like this:
You know, one of the things that bugs me is how much the press goes too far in trying to catch people doing things wrong and find out where they stumbled, where they’ve made mistakes. It seems to be relevant now with the Tiger Woods saga, but this “gotcha” mentality is something that has been going on for a long time. It doesn’t matter what position, what office, what they’re trying to do. They love to make sure they can dig somebody a hole and try to push them into it.
I heard a great quote the other day that originally came from Teddy Roosevelt. He said, “It is not the critic who counts; not the person who points out how strong people stumble, or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the person who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is no effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.”
So it’s really tough. Like I say, if you’ve never made a mistake in your life or done anything stupid, then you probably lie about other things, too. The important thing is not doing a stupid thing, but realize when you’ve done it and own up to it, give an apology, and move on. I think it would be really good if we could spend more time catching people doing things right rather than wrong. So take care of yourselves. You might make a mistake, but give it your best.
I’ve always enjoyed and promoted the concept of “Catching People Doing Things Right,” and over at LeaderChat.org they are running a new Twitter contest…
Starting on Tuesday and lasting for 72-hours, The Ken Blanchard Companies will give you a chance to “catch someone doing things right” by entering that person in a drawing for a copy of one of my latest books. The book will contain a personalized inscription congratulating the winner on being caught doing things right. The contest ends on Friday at 10:00 a.m. Pacific Time and you can enter as many people as you would like. Here’s how to participate:
1. Go to www.Twitter.com and post the name of the person you would like to catch doing things right along with a very short description of why. Include the following code in your message @leaderchat
For example: Nick Peterson—for doing an outstanding job all year and helping to make this our best year ever! #@leaderchat
2. Push the UPDATE button!
It’s as simple as that. Every day between now and Friday we’ll randomly choose one lucky person among those entered to receive one of the personalized books. Each day’s winner will be posted at 10:00 a.m. Pacific Time at www.leaderchat.org
Don’t miss this chance to say “thank you” to someone who really deserves it. Participating is a fun, low-cost, and very thoughtful way to let someone know that you appreciate them!
PS: If you don’t have a Twitter account yet, you can sign up at Twitter when you get there. Just follow the instructions and you’ll be online in minutes.
You know, at this time of year you can really get yourself hassled. You know, running around, making sure you have every present bought and everything done and all that. And life can be a burden rather than a joy. This is supposed to be the season of joy and love, not of burden and hassle and all those kinds of things. It doesn’t mean that you don’t want to get things done and cross things off your list, but don’t make “list accomplishment” the goal of this holiday season. Make LOVE the goal of this holiday. If you couldn’t find the right present for someone – maybe you should sit down and write that person a note about how much you care about them and that you’ll send them something after the holidays. Stress is a major problem this time of year because people have so many “to do” lists. They forget why they’re doing it and get too much into the doing. Too often this time of year we’re human doings rather than human beings. I just wanted to check for you, as well as myself as I run around and try to get things done at the end of the year, that I’m a human being, not a human doing. So reach out to anybody you talk to and wish them the greatest holiday, the greatest the greatest New Year, and just tell them you care about them. Maybe that’s what you ought to do. What I like to do this time of year, too, is to go through my phone list and call people I haven’t talked to in a while, and just tell them I care about them. What can you do to make this a joyous time, rather than a hassled time? Remember, life is a very special occasion if you keep things in perspective.
One day last week, I suddenly realized that I was having a great day at work. I had so many different things going on that I lost track of time. That’s when you know you’re doing what you ought to be doing. Are you losing track of time? If you’re watching your watch, and you’re thinking, “Thank God it’s Friday,” or, “Oh no, it’s Monday,” then talk to somebody in the company about switching jobs, because you’re probably in the wrong job. Remember, to be the best, you need to be passionate and excited about what you’re doing. That’s the way I was last week – I just lost track of time because I was having a ball. So you have a ball today. Love what you do, because when you do that, your customers are going to love you and you’re going to have a successful company.
