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A great comment I heard recently from our consultant, Tommy Moore, was: “There is no hall of fame for critics,” Ha! I just love that. A lot of times, people are really good at taking shots at what other people are doing. That’s not really very helpful. Redirection is so much different than criticism: Here’s something that has happened, here’s how it has impacted things, here’s what would really help next time, and I’m still excited about working with you. That’s really kind of a nice thing. But we also have to remember, if you do ever get criticism, that feedback is the breakfast of champions, as Rick Tate always used to say. The best response to any kind of criticism, if you get it, is: “Tell me more. Is there anyone else I should talk to? Oh, this is so helpful.” That will really blow people’s minds because you won’t be defensive or anything. You won’t get your ego in the way. Don’t criticize yourself or other people. Give ‘em a hug. That’s what they could really use.
You know, I was recently listening to a tape by a wonderful young guy named Matthew Barnett, who heads up the Dream Center in Los Angeles. I’m on the board there. They have taken over an old hospital that was condemned, and they have refurbished the whole thing through money raised. They have 1400 people living there; people who are really learning how to turn their lives around. They also have a church, a temple, that was given to them and they run services there. Matthew is just an amazing guy. The essence of his talk was that, when he took over and started to plant the church and they had nothing, he was mainly focused on his own success and thinking about how many people he could get to come to church. And all of a sudden one day, when things were really going downhill for this church, he realized his problem—it had been all about him. And when he got that he was there to serve, and he went out into the streets and met with the people and talked and walked with them and helped and served them and all, slowly they began to trust him. And they started to come to him. And then he was able to, unbelievably, get control of this old hospital. He said when he turned the corner and really realized that life is about serving, not being served, that just made all the difference.
I really like my friend B. J. Gallagher’s little book called Staying the Course. B. J. says, “Our journey in life is about progress, not perfection.” (Boy, isn’t that true.) “It’s not about doing one thing 100 percent better, it’s about doing a number of things one percent better each day. Progress is evolutionary, not revolutionary. Most days we measure our progress in inches, not miles.” (That’s feedback, that’s the breakfast of champions!) “What matters most is showing up for your life, whether you feel like it or not. Ask yourself, ‘What two or three things can I do today that would move me forward?’” (That’s a very good question—what could you do?) “You’d be amazed at how much distance you could cover by taking it in increments. The little things add up. The inches turn to miles and we string together our efforts like so many pearls. Before long, look what you have—a whole strand. Ahhh—beautiful!” So, what can you do today to keep going? To keep making a difference for your customers and for each other? Remember, things are about progress. One thing at a time. One small step can change your life. So take that step today.
Like this:
Have you seen the moon recently? It was absolutely incredible. And last night when the sun was about to set, we went out on the deck and watched the sun set. It was just unbelievable. I was just struck by all the fabulous things that are free—Looking at the moon at night, a sunset, going over to the beach and sitting and watching the waves, or sitting down and enjoying the view of the mountains and hills, or walking through the woods and enjoying the flowers. Hearing the cry of a newborn baby—just wonderful, wonderful things that really are free.
Rabbi Kushner, who wrote When Bad Things Happen to Good People, wrote a wonderful book called Why God? In that book he tells about, when the first astronaut went up, everybody in the country had their TV on and was watching. And when the second astronaut went up, you watched if you were home but you didn’t if you weren’t. And with the third, they had him play golf on the moon for anybody to pay attention. He said that we get tired of things made by man, but we never get tired of a babbling brook, a sunset, or those kinds of things. So next weekend, no matter what’s happening around you, you can always take a walk and look at the beauty of nature, and know that things are all right in that realm and they are free for all of us.
A couple of weeks ago I ran into a guy by the name of Stan Parker. An interesting guy. He has a new little tiny book called Smile and Move: A Reminder to Happily Serve. Here’s what he says:
How to smile: Wake up. Show others you care by giving attention to their needs. Be thankful. The opportunity to serve is a gift, not an entitlement. Be approachable. We’re at each other’s service and contact is where it starts. Complain less. We have work to do. Smile. Really. It’s where pleasantness begins.
How to move: Start early and go long. Get lost in your service to others. Exceed expectations. Dismiss mediocrity. Expect more from yourself. Have a sense of urgency. Predict and pre-sweat the details for others. Be resourceful and resilient. Service is about giving someone what they need, no matter what.
So I kind of like that: A Reminder to Happily Serve. And I love the quote he has in the back from Ralph Waldo Emerson: “Write it in your heart that every day is the best day of the year.” I hope you’re having a really fabulous day. Thanks for being happy. It’s a special occasion.
I had a real treat when I recently got to spend some time with Henry Blackaby and his son, Richard. Henry’s been a really important mentor to me. He’s a wonderful theologian and philosopher of life.
One of the things I think is relevant to all of us is when they talked a little bit about revival. A lot of people complain about, you know, “My organization has this problem,” or “My church has this problem,” or “My child has this problem.” They say that revival, or change, really starts with you—that whole thing that Gandhi said, you know, “Be the change you want to see in the world.” So if something isn’t going well in your department, the real question is: How can you be different? How can you be a catalyst for change rather than a complainer about what’s not going well? What can you do to change yourself?
A man came to Henry and asked if he would pray that his son would be in better shape and things would be better. He said to the man, “That’s really nice that you’re praying for your son, but I think what your son needs is a better father.” So what you need to do is focus on what you can do to change yourself so that you can help revise or help change somebody else or another organization. I think that’s a wonderful thing, rather than complaining. What are you going to do to change yourself? How can you be a better person, and in the process maybe influence other people that are limiting your department or your family from being their best? Focus on yourself.
I’m constantly looking at how I can be a better person who helps people be the best they can possibly be, and organizations be the best they can be. So as I always say in sessions, don’t wish somebody else was here at this training. Don’t miss it yourself, because there are people who are glad you’re here. I’m glad I’m learning and I hope you are too. I still need a lot of improvement and I’ll bet you do too.
In my weekly men’s group we recently were studying anger. Anger is a really interesting thing, you know. I think we can all get angry for a cause—you know, something that upsets us. But the really interesting question is: How do you express your anger? Do you attack other people? Are you completely out of control?
One of my beliefs that I know you all have heard is that one way to get out of a company quickly is to be someone who is angry all the time, and yelling at people and putting people down. I think if there’s a problem you’re upset about, you need to confront the person in a very civil and calm way and problem solve. What often happens when you lose your temper and get upset with somebody is that, when you walk away, their energy is focused on you and how you treated them rather than what might have been the problem that ignited you. I have also said a number of times that we seem to be nicer to strangers very often than we are to people we love and care about. We sometimes take license with people around us, and those are the people we should really reach out and appreciate. So it was interesting—we had forty men today talking about anger, how they deal with anger and where anger comes from. There’s a wonderful story from George Sweeney: A student said, “I lose my temper, but it’s all over in a minute,” And the professor replied, “So was the hydrogen bomb, but think of the damage it produced.”
So take a look at yourself and how you deal with anger. Do you strike out or do you deal with it in a way that can express your feelings so the problem can be resolved?
Today I came across a wonderful quote from Winston Churchill, who I always felt was quite a guy. He said, “An optimist sees an opportunity in every calamity. A pessimist sees a calamity in every opportunity.” I guess I’m an optimist. I’m always looking for the lemonade from the lemons. That’s the way my mom always was. She said I laughed before I cried, I danced before I walked and I smiled before I frowned. So what are you? Are you an optimist or a pessimist? I think optimists live life a little bit differently and, I hope, more joyously. So be an optimist today, no matter what’s bothering you. See if you can see the opportunity in the problem rather than seeing everything as a problem. Have a great day.
I have been working with two top guys from a radio program to prepare some “One Minute Advice” radio spots. I tell you, it’s really interesting in life—you have certain things you learn how to do and you get confidence, and all of a sudden you’re asked to do something that you’re not used to. In this case for me, it’s to say something in just a minute. Even though I’m called the One Minute Manager, you know, I usually have more to say than what takes a minute!
But it’s been a good learning process. I’ve thought a number of times about John Maxwell’s saying: “A winner is big enough to admit his mistakes, smart enough to profit from them, and strong enough to correct them.” So as I’ve been going through this process, I would do one of the spots and then laugh and say, “Of course, we need to do that one over again!” and try to profit from what didn’t go well and see if I could correct it the next time. So I’ve been dealing with my own image of myself—what I’m good at and what I’m not good at. But I’m learning! I’m getting better all the time. It’s been an interesting process.
I think that’s good advice for all of us, to be big enough to admit when you’ve made a mistake, smart enough to profit from a mistake, and strong enough to correct it. Otherwise you would do the same thing wrong over and over again. That would get a little boring and it could be career damaging.
Take care of yourself—have a great day. Life is a very special occasion even though some days are more learning days than others.
Last week I had lots of festivities set up around my birthday. It’s really kind of funny—why did I do all this? I invited all my coauthors, as many as could come, to come to our house for a little reception on Tuesday night. Then for the next couple of days we all talked about celebrating simple truths and what we’ve all done together. We talked about our body of work—what it was all about and where was it going in the future. Margie probably summed it up the best when she said it was really about being champions of self worth and individual dignity, and that everything we’ve done is to try to help make people feel important and cared for. And when people feel good about themselves, they produce good results. I think that’s probably a really good message for you as you continue to interact with each other and people at home and work. Every chance you get, ask, “How can I make the world a better place by the moment-to-moment decisions I make as I interact with other human beings, and build up their own sense of self worth?”
I’m really still amazed that the company Margie and I started with some of our friends is 30 years old, and that I’ve been able to do some of the things that I had never thought about before. People told me I couldn’t write—that I should be a college administrator. Zig Ziglar has a wonderful quote: “Regardless of your lot in life, you can build something beautiful on it.” And you know, I didn’t do it all by myself. I think that’s one of the reasons I wanted to invite everybody—because you know, my mother always said, “Why don’t you write a book by yourself?” and I would say, “Mom, I already know what I know.” So I built a wonderful life with the help of tons of people. I love another quote by Woodrow Wilson: “Friendship is the only cement that will ever hold the world together.” So we not only celebrated what we’ve accomplished together, but also our friendship. It was a special time and I really enjoyed it. Seventy is not a huge number. I have always thought that I wanted to be like Norman Vincent Peale. He died quietly in his sleep at 95. So that means I have another 25 years to go! I just feel great. I was glad I was able to put a bookmark there and take a look at what we’ve done over the years. We also got a chance to get our first copies of Helping People Win at Work: A Business Philosophy called “Don’t Mark My Paper, Help Me Get an A” that Garry Ridge, president of WD-40 Company, and I wrote. And then the first copies of Who Killed Change? which is the book that John Britt wrote with Judd Hoekstra and Pat Zigarmi and me. Everybody was excited to see those.
Somebody once said, “Many things will catch your eye but only a few will catch your heart. Pursue those.” I really always tried to pursue things in my heart. Maybe I didn’t always make the best decisions. I could have probably done better writing fewer books and focusing more; we could have done things a little differently, but what’s happened has happened. So my 70th birthday, I think, has just been a celebration of life. We had a wonderful time; it was way beyond my expectations, and fun. I think life, as I’ve said for a long time, is a special occasion. And I don’t intend to miss any of it and I hope you don’t either.
