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In my last blog I talked about walking toward wisdom as one of the four major areas of growth for leaders and aspiring leaders, along with gaining knowledge, reaching out to others, and opening your world. During your lifelong pursuit of wisdom, it is necessary to do a thorough self evaluation and also to be continually open to honest feedback from others. In addition, you must seek out the counsel of those with more wisdom and experience than yourself.
I love the concept that feedback is about the past and counsel is about the future. My friend Marshall Goldsmith, who is a great author, says that even when some people aren’t too excited about feedback, they are excited about what he calls “feedforward.” He has a great exercise where he has people get up and walk around the room and think about something they would like to accomplish this year. He has them go one on one with each other and ask, “Do you have any advice for me?” They move around and meet ten or twelve people and get advice and counsel from everyone.
Receiving counsel from others is about what lies ahead and is a tremendous opportunity to benefit from someone else’s wisdom. We can gain the most if we are open minded and guard our heart against pride and arrogance. Over time, what we learn from the counsel of others will add to our own store of wisdom.
Work with a mentor or mentors—particularly those who are further down the road than you are. Borrow from their wisdom and experience. A mentor is someone who has “been there and done that.” One of the best ways to learn from a mentor’s experience and wisdom is to ask profound questions. You’ll be surprised what you’ll learn. For instance, ask an open-ended question such as, “What decisions in your life have made the greatest contribution to your success?” “What books have had the greatest impact in your life?” “What are the biggest lessons you’ve learned so far in your career?” Start making a list of profound questions such as these, and then look for opportunities to ask those questions. When you ask a profound question and listen—really listen—to the answer, that’s when the learning really soaks in. In my seminars I try to encourage more interaction by asking participants questions and then having them interact with others around them. That’s when learning really seems to come alive for everyone involved.
A commitment to pursuing wisdom will enhance your leadership—but don’t expect to become wise overnight! Walking toward wisdom is a lifelong journey. Every step you take will enhance your growth and bring you closer to your final destiny. So decide today: I will Walk Toward Wisdom.
As are many of my books, Great Leaders Grow is an easy-to-read parable with an enduring message. If you read The Secret – What Great Leaders Know and Do, my first book with Mark Miller, you will be familiar with the characters in Great Leaders Grow. If you enjoy it, pass it around to other folks who may be able to benefit from it, and then leave a comment here to let me know what you think. Remember, everyone is a leader and everyone needs to keep growing. Mark and I hope that Great Leaders Grow will fuel your passion to grow for the rest of your life.
As I continue on with the lessons from Great Leaders Grow, my latest book written with Mark Miller, you may notice that all three of the previously mentioned areas in which leaders must grow—gaining knowledge, reaching out to others, and opening your world—are lifelong pursuits. Our fourth way to assure growth as a leader, Walk Toward Wisdom, is no different. The pursuit of wisdom never ends for those who aspire to leadership.
Wisdom can be defined as the application of accumulated knowledge and experience. Contrary to what you might think, wisdom really has nothing to do with age. We all have known younger people who might be described as “wise beyond their years,” and many of us probably can say we know a few “old fools.” The truth is, wisdom is attained, bit by bit, throughout our lifetime. It’s always within our reach, but it must be pursued. The walk toward wisdom should include these elements:
Self Evaluation – First, slow down, look in the mirror, and be truthful with yourself. What’s working and what’s not working? What are your strengths and how can you better leverage them? What are your weaknesses and how can you minimize them? How are you adding value to your life, your organization, the world? Self evaluation isn’t easy, but it is a necessary starting point for pursuing wisdom. We all have blind spots and things we don’t know but need to learn about ourselves. Socrates said, “An unexamined life is not worth living.” And even Shakespeare referred to self evaluation when he wrote, “To thine own self be true.”
Honest Feedback – Feedback helps us learn from our past. No matter how candid you try to be during your self evaluation, you’ll never be able to overcome your own bias and perspective, so you must ask others for feedback. This can be done either formally or informally. My associate Rich Case always used to say that feedback is the breakfast of champions—I love that! So ask your colleagues at every level for honest feedback on how you have been doing. Encourage them to be frank. Ask them what you should start doing, what you should keep doing, and what you should stop doing.
A word to the wise: Typically, even folks who are honest with their feedback will tell you only about 90 percent. Yes, they tell you the truth, but don’t always give you that last 10 percent. Both Mark Miller and I have always had a few people who care enough to tell us the whole truth by giving us that last 10 percent. It’s important to have at least a handful of these “truth tellers” in your life to keep you in check.
Whether you are successful at getting people to give you honest feedback has a lot to do with how you react when feedback is given. One of the ways you can tell the difference between great leaders and self-serving leaders is the way they respond to feedback. Self-serving people get very protective and defensive, because they think they already know the truth, and will often “kill the messenger.” But you can always tell when someone wants to learn from feedback, because when you give that person feedback the first thing he or she will say is, “Thank you. That’s really helpful. Is there anything else I should know?” or simply, “Tell me more.” Great leaders will actually encourage the other person to give that extra 10 percent of feedback. They want to be sure they are getting everything out of that person. Self-serving leaders don’t want to hear feedback at all.
Next week I’ll talk about the last aspect of walking toward wisdom and have some final words about Great Leaders Grow. In the meantime, I’d love it if you would leave a comment and share how you are choosing to grow as a leader, either in the workplace or at home.
Like this:
Many people assume that conflict in the workplace is always bad. But I think there are times when conflict is good—because if everybody always has the same opinion about everything, somebody’s not needed around here!
I love to gather a team around me where people have different opinions and feel free to disagree with each other about things. Why? Because in this way, one plus one can equal about ten, if people share different points of view. One of my favorite phrases is “No one of us is as smart as all of us” and that especially rings true when you have people around you who aren’t afraid to give you their opinion on something. Everyone can work together for the greater good. So it’s healthy to encourage a little conflict or difference of opinion at work, as long as it’s constructive.
If some people on your team have personality conflicts and are just causing trouble and drama, that’s a different story. That’s a problem you may need to deal with as a leader. But generally speaking, if you encourage different opinions, you can learn what everyone is thinking and work out the best decision for the team as a whole. You don’t want a bunch of “yes” people around you or it may lead you down the wrong road.
My father, who was an admiral in the navy, used to tell me, “Ken, if you don’t hear complaining from your people, watch out because it means there’s going to be a mutiny!” If you aren’t hearing about concerns and conflicts, it may be because your people have cut you off from the channels of communication. You need to know about those things and encourage that kind of sharing. Let your people know that they can have a different opinion and still survive around you, because you are open to hearing their ideas. It will benefit your team and, ultimately, your entire organization.
This is a tough question that especially haunts younger leaders…
If you think you’re a leader and you turn around and nobody’s following, you know what? There’s probably some feedback there that you can learn from. Why aren’t they following? Because your leadership might be all about you. People want to follow someone who appreciates and cares about them, who thinks they are important. Are you involving your people? That’s what they want. They want to work with somebody who wants to work with them. If nobody’s following you, stop looking in the mirror and thinking that leadership is all about you. No—it’s out there. It’s with them. It’s encouraging them and supporting them and helping them and involving them. People love to follow leaders who share the responsibility of accomplishing goals. So look out there at your people. That’s where the action is. And if you take care of them, you know what? Next time you turn around, there might be a crowd.
Before you give a reprimand—think! In many cases an employee needs to be redirected rather than reprimanded. In today’s workplace with constant changes in technology, people are continuously learning new skills. With all that learning, mistakes are bound to occur. For this reason, generally speaking, the need for redirection is much more prevalent today than the need for reprimands.
Use the following “decision tree” to help you determine whether an employee’s misstep in behavior or performance should lead to a reprimand or a redirection.
When someone does something wrong, first ask yourself, “Should this person have known better?”
· If the answer is “No,” then the person is obviously unfamiliar with his or her assigned responsibility or task and still in a learning stage, and needs redirection. Never reprimand a learner—whether it’s a new hire learning the ropes, an experienced employee working on a new task, or your daughter learning to tie her shoelaces. It will only cause confusion or outright discouragement. In this instance, your role as a leader is to help, or redirect, the person who is having a problem. The five steps of an effective redirection are:
1. Give the redirection as soon as possible after the problem happens. Prompt feedback is very important.
2. Explain specifically what went wrong and how it could affect others.
3. Take on a bit of the responsibility by saying something such as, “I must not have made it clear enough…” This reduces the pressure on the employee who is simply in need of supportive redirection.
4. Reiterate the importance of the task.
5. Reassure the person you still have confidence in him to help him move toward success on the task. The purpose of redirection is to set up, as soon as possible, an opportunity for a praising to occur.
· If the answer is “Yes,” and you believe the person should have known better, then you must ask yourself, “Did this person make the mistake deliberately or because of a lack of confidence?” Remember—only reprimand deliberate behavior or unusual regressive performance of a normally strong performer.
- If the problem revolves around a lack of confidence, try to determine the reason. It could be that a new situation exists that is unsettling to a seasoned worker. For example, perhaps Brad, an experienced cashier, makes many errors on the new cash register. The reason is most likely a lack of confidence due to a change from the familiar. Brad doesn’t need a reprimand; rather, he needs training and practice on the new register, coupled with support from an understanding boss. Reprimands have no place in this example.
- If you have good reason to believe the person purposely did something wrong, or if the person’s typical good performance is continuously and obviously declining, a reprimand may be appropriate. If you deliver the reprimand with “caring candor,” a phrase coined by Garry Ridge, President and CEO of WD-40 Company, it can be a powerful motivator for a high performer whose recent goal achievement is not up to normal high standards. Remember these four steps when you must reprimand an individual:
1. As with a redirection, deliver the reprimand in a timely manner—as soon as the unusual poor performance or behavior is detected. A reprimand should never be saved for an annual performance review.
2. Be specific about what was done incorrectly and the impact it could have on you or others; i.e., “You didn’t turn in your weekly report on time. When I don’t get reports from all our team members, I can’t do a complete analysis for my Monday leadership meeting.”
3. Share your exact feelings about the situation—frustration, disappointment, surprise, etc.
4. Finish by reaffirming the person’s past performance and letting her know the reprimand is not about her as a person, but about her behavior or actions. “This upsets me because it’s so unlike you. You’re one of my best people and you usually get your reports in on time.” This last step is very important because you want the person to walk away thinking about what she did wrong, not about how poorly you treated her.
Above all, remember to catch your people doing something right and praise them at every opportunity. You will be making deposits in the bank of goodwill, so that if you occasionally need to make a withdrawal via a redirection or reprimand, the sting will be short-lived and the employee will be that much more motivated toward high achievement.
Today, I’m going to give a short, one-question quiz. Here’s the question: How do you rate as a leader?
I don’t ask this question flippantly. It is a question I’ve asked countless people at the leadership seminars we conduct.
As leaders, most people rank themselves as being very close to a minor deity or at least Mr. or Ms. Human Relations. Seldom do leaders give themselves low marks. Strangely enough, when the tables are turned and people are asked to rank their boss’s leadership style, we often find many supervisors graded as being adequate, merely OK, or at worst, office autocrats who depend heavily on the often-referenced “seagull management” technique as their sole line of attack—they leave their people alone until something goes wrong, and then they fly in, make a lot of noise, dump all over everyone, and fly out.
More often than not, we find that leaders lull themselves into thinking they are top-flight leaders because they think they use a supportive or coaching style, which someone told them are “good” leadership styles. Not too surprisingly, this isn’t the way they are seen by those in their department, office or store.
To get a true and accurate answer about the question above, it is necessary for you as a supervisor to honestly determine how your employees perceive your leadership style. These are the folks who know you best. They have first-hand experience with your leadership style and operate on their own perceptions about it. They are the best judges of your managerial effectiveness. However, getting an employee or subordinate to give his or her honest feedback on your leadership style is difficult. People fear being the messenger who will get shot for bearing bad news. Hence, they are naturally reluctant to be totally candid.
Employees are sharp observers. In the past, they may have gone to their leader and made an honest suggestion such as, “Ken, I think our Thursday afternoon meetings are a waste of time.” If the supervisor answers with an outburst by saying, “What do you mean a waste of time? Are you kidding? Those meetings are important,” it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that one thing the leader doesn’t want to hear is the truth.
It is important to remember that when people you supervise tell you what they honestly think about your style of leadership, they’re really giving you a gift. When someone gives you a gift, what is the first thing you should say? “Thank you,” of course! Then it’s a very good idea to follow up by saying, “Is there anything else you think I should know?” When a person learns that you won’t become defensive or hostile when he or she gives you an honest evaluation about your style, you’ll find that you’ll be given many nuggets of truth which are extremely valuable. My advice would be to encourage people to give (feedback) at the office, and to give often!
Just remember, what you think about your own leadership style really doesn’t matter. In addition, there is no one correct style, nor is there a “good” or a “bad” style. Rather, style is judged by those immediately influenced by it. It’s your people’s response to your style that matters. If you are getting the right response consistently—high productivity and morale—then you’re doing just fine. If not, then perhaps it’s your style that needs changing, not your employees.
If you went around your office and asked each person, “Are you doing a good job?” what would be the answer? Would most people respond by saying either “I don’t know” or “I think so”? And if their answer was, “Yes, I think so,” and your follow-up question was, “How do you know?” would you hear lines such as, “I haven’t been chewed out by my boss lately” or “No news is good news”?
Such answers reveal that most people receive little feedback on their performance until they make a mistake. This is a sad state of affairs. People need feedback on their performance to feel motivated to move toward their goals. Managers know what they want their people to do but many times don’t bother to tell them because they assume people know. This leads to the most commonly used management style in business, often referred to as seagull management. When someone makes a mistake, seagull managers fly in, make a lot of noise, dump on everyone, and fly out. Since this is the predominant style of management in organizations, it is no wonder that motivating people is a major organizational problem today!
Can you imagine training for the Olympics with no one telling you how fast you ran or how high you jumped? The idea seems ludicrous, yet many people operate in a vacuum in organizations, not knowing how well they are doing on their jobs. This can lead to what we call decommitment—a change in an employee’s motivation or confidence—which can be one of the biggest challenges managers face.
To avoid this situation as a manager, stop and think about how you would answer the following questions: Are your department and organizational goals clear? Do you talk to your people about performance expectations? Does every person know what a good job looks like? Is anything getting in the way of performance? Are you giving each person regular feedback on his or her performance and behavior?
I often repeat the words of my former colleague Rick Tate, who said, “Feedback is the breakfast of champions.” Letting your people know where they stand and how they are doing can help nurture genuine relationships and create job satisfaction all around.
I believe the biggest addiction problem in the workplace today is the human ego. When people operate from their ego, their behavior tends to be based on fear rather than trust. When people behave out of fear, they have a high need to control others and their environment and they have a win-lose orientation toward everything. Even when discussing the weather they want to make sure you know that they know more about weather than you do. They broadcast a philosophy about life that states “I’m okay, you’re not.”
I discovered this addiction many years ago when my wife Margie was writing a book with Dr. Mark J. Tager entitled Working Well and studying what made a healthy work environment. One of the questions they asked people in their research was, “Can a bad boss make you sick?” A lot of people said, “Yes.” They cited examples such as migraine headaches, ulcers, sleepless nights—even heart attacks and cancer.
I became fascinated by people’s perceptions of bad bosses, so I started asking people around the country to describe the worst boss they had ever worked for. The primary description I heard was that of a high ego-driven person. The worst managers were described as poor listeners who were reluctant to share credit and always wanted to be in the limelight. While a lot of people would think people with a big ego had high self-esteem, I found the opposite to be true: Individuals who operate from their ego are usually covering up “not okay” feelings about themselves. They try to compensate for feelings of inadequacy by overpowering others and controlling their environment.
Why do I feel ego addiction is so harmful to the business community? Because it is holding back progress in organizations. Companies all over the country are having difficulties moving toward being the kind of organization they need to be to make it in this economy. Companies today need to be customer driven, cost effective, fast and flexible, and continually improving. To do this we need high-trust environments. And yet, throughout the work world managers are hesitant to empower others and give them a chance to have more responsibility and take initiative to make decisions. The people who are fearful and holding back support of these changes in business are those who are operating from their ego. They fear loss of power and control.
People who are hung up on their egos and who operate out of fear really need love. Yet it’s hard to love these people because they don’t seem very lovable. Instead, folks with big egos seem to be demanding, self-centered, and unsatisfied. They feel better about themselves when they can make others feel inferior. Fortunately, their attempts don’t have to be successful. As Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your permission.”
Just because someone has power doesn’t mean he doesn’t have a need to feel appreciated. When was the last time you caught your boss doing something right? When was the last time you gave your boss a hug? I’m not necessarily talking about a physical hug—even a psychological hug can help. Thank her for her support or for doing a good job on a certain task. In my sessions I ask people who are parents whether their love for their kids depends on their kids’ achievements. Rarely does a hand go up. We love our children without any contingencies—it’s called unconditional love. I think the same approach is needed in the workplace today. We need to learn to trust and respect others, even if we sometimes have a problem with their behavior. If we can help everyone in the workforce feel good about themselves and raise their self-esteem, we’ll have more people willing to share power by permitting others to take initiative, make decisions, and let work teams be the main vehicle for decision making. To overcome ego addiction, people have to get in touch with their own worthiness. If it’s hard for them, others can help.
Everyone in organizations should set a goal to maintain or enhance the self-esteem of the people with whom they interact, for the benefit of all. Big egos can be tamed with the right amount of tender loving care.
