Expectations

Trust Works!

I’ve written more than a few books over the years, but I still get excited when a new one comes out. We’ve just released a new book I coauthored with Cynthia Olmstead and Martha Lawrence called Trust Works! Four Keys to Building Lasting Relationships. We think it will make a difference in people’s lives while giving them a smile.

trust-works-book-coverThe first part of the book is written as a parable about a dog and a cat and how they learn to trust each other. It’s interesting—we asked people for feedback on one of our first drafts, and some dog lovers were offended because it seemed as if the dog had to do all the work to get the trust from the cat. We realized that we needed to emphasize that trust is a two-way street. So in our finished story, not only is the dog trying to get the cat to trust him, but the cat has to get the dog to trust her too. Of course, the story is a metaphor for any relationship where people need to create and build trust with one another. Readers will be able to apply it to their working relationships as well as their relationships with family and friends.

Cindy Olmstead spent years developing the wonderful ABCD Trust Model™ we use in the second part of the book to highlight the four behaviors that need to be present in order to build trust. If even one of these behaviors is absent, trust erodes.

First, you have to prove that you’re Able. You are competent to solve problems and get results. You strive to be the best at what you do and you use your skills to help others.

Next, you have to be Believable. You act with integrity and honesty. You show respect for others, admit your mistakes, keep confidences, and avoid talking behind others’ backs.

You also have to be Connected. You care about others, which includes showing interest, asking for input, and listening.  You praise the efforts of others and share information about yourself.

Finally, you need to be Dependable. You do what you say you will do. You are organized and responsive. People know you will follow up and be accountable.

How would you assess your trustworthiness in these four key areas? Go to http://www.trustworksbook.com and take the self-assessment. While you’re at it, ask the people you work with to evaluate you as well.

That’s how I learned that my lowest score in these four areas was in the Dependable category. What an eye opener! I never thought of myself as undependable but since my executive team and I understood the four factors, we were able to have that conversation and zero in on the problem. Turns out that my desire to please everyone showed up in real life as a tendency to over-commit myself—which resulted in people ultimately being disappointed because I couldn’t meet their expectations.

Using the ABCD Trust Model™, my team came up with a great solution for me. Now when opportunities come up, instead of saying yes without thinking, I hand out my executive assistant’s card so she can make sure I have the time and resources to follow through.  As a result, my Dependable score has soared!

In most organizations, trust issues are simply avoided until they reach a breaking point. You can’t just assume that trust will grow over time—sometimes the exact opposite happens.

Trust is hard to define. You can tell when it’s absent—but how do you create it and build it when it doesn’t exist? Trust Works! provides a common language for trust—and essential skills for building, repairing, and sustaining it. Building trust is one of the most needed skills for leaders today. Don’t leave trust to chance in your organization.

Categories: Communication, Ethics, Expectations, Leadership, Relationships, Trust, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , | 1 Comment

NATO Golf

With spring around the corner, I find my mind turning to golf. I love to play golf. I’ve always tried to not take it too seriously and remember that it’s just a game—but I didn’t really love to play until I started to use an approach called NATO golf. In case you haven’t heard of it before, NATO stands for Not Attached To Outcome.

BallWhen you’re attached to outcome, you might be having a good game but then you hit the ball wrong and find yourself focusing on the wrong things—every move you make, every breeze, every bump in the grass. It really tightens you up and you can’t perform as well. You become fearful of your results because you believe that who you are depends on how you score or play that day.

I can’t tell you how much more fun it is to play NATO golf than to grind my teeth over the score. It doesn’t mean I’m not interested in hitting good shots or scoring well—but I know that I am not my score. I am not each shot. As a result, I’m much more relaxed and able to swing freely at the ball without fear. I play so much better when I’m not worried about whether I’m going to be able to hit that hole or make that putt. I just get up there and let it happen. It’s beautiful.

Golf is always interesting to me, because I believe golf is a lot like life. Think about it. Sometimes you’re playing better than you should, so you learn how to deal with success.  Sometimes you’re playing worse than you should, so you learn how to deal with failure.  Sometimes you get good breaks you don’t deserve and sometimes you get good breaks you do deserve.  Sometimes you get bad breaks you don’t deserve and sometimes you get bad breaks you do deserve.  All in four and a half hours!  Ha! And one of the best ways to get to know somebody is to play golf with them and watch how they behave. It says a lot about a person.

In life, as in golf, sometimes we get so focused on outcome that we don’t enjoy the ride.  We’re so uptight about the importance of the outcome that we miss the dance of life, the dance of relationships, the dance of the sales call, or the dance of doing a seminar.

Mark Twain said, “Golf is a good walk spoiled.” I can’t say that I agree. Golf is a wonderful game as long as you don’t start believing that who you are is dependent on how you score. Don’t get attached to outcome—just be who you are and you will be amazed at how much more you’ll enjoy the game of golf—and the game of life.

Categories: Clarity, Confidence, Expectations, Golf, Happiness, Life, Performance, Positivity, Uncategorized | Tags: , , | 2 Comments

New Year’s Resolution Time!

It’s time again to think about New Year’s resolutions. I like to picture myself sitting here one year from today, looking back on 2012 and smiling because I’ve accomplished two or three things that I wanted to accomplish over the year. I’m patting myself on the back! 

So what would you like to do between now and then?  Now you’re going to obviously have some goals in terms of your job and your organization, but what about you personally?  What about your weight?  Your exercise?  Your health?  What about learning a new language, like Spanish or Chinese?  What about improving your organizational skills?  What about writing something that you’ve wanted to write for a long time?  What would really make you feel good if you accomplished it by the end of next year? 

It’s great to write out your resolutions as SMART goals.  Be Specific on what you want so that it’s observable and measurable.  M stands for motivational—make sure it’s something that excites you. Is it Attainable?  Don’t set some unrealistic goal that there’s no chance you’ll accomplish.  Make sure your goal is Relevant and important to you.  And have a goal that is Trackable, which means you can chart it over time so you can catch yourself doing things approximately right and see yourself making progress. 

I have found that I do best on New Year’s Resolutions if I share them with my wife Margie and people at work, and anybody else who is around me, so they can help and support me. We all need an accountability group to help set ourselves up for success. 

So in the next few days I’ll be thinking more about what I would like to accomplish that’s going to make me feel good.  What would you like to do?  How do you want 2012 to go for you?  Let’s see if we can help each other keep our commitment to our commitment.  So often New Year’s Resolutions are just announcements.  Don’t just announce it; really make it happen!  And good on you for 2012!

Lastly, I’ve posted a few of my resolutions for 2012… take a read, and let everyone know a few of your own! http://howwelead.org/resolutions/

Categories: Expectations, Goals, Honesty, Life | 1 Comment

I try to be a leader but it seems no one is listening to me

This is a tough question that especially haunts younger leaders…

If you think you’re a leader and you turn around and nobody’s following, you know what? There’s probably some feedback there that you can learn from. Why aren’t they following?  Because your leadership might be all about you. People want to follow someone who appreciates and cares about them, who thinks they are important. Are you involving your people? That’s what they want. They want to work with somebody who wants to work with them. If nobody’s following you, stop looking in the mirror and thinking that leadership is all about you. No—it’s out there. It’s with them. It’s encouraging them and supporting them and helping them and involving them. People love to follow leaders who share the responsibility of accomplishing goals.  So look out there at your people. That’s where the action is. And if you take care of them, you know what? Next time you turn around, there might be a crowd.

Categories: Expectations, Feedback, Leadership, Servant Leadership | Leave a comment

Full Steam Ahead! – Ken Blanchard on Being Excited About Vision

Categories: Consistency, Expectations, Goals, Vision | Leave a comment

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