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Not too long ago I was an emcee at a conference in Florida and it was great. There were three interesting speakers—Craig Groeschel, who founded Lifechurch.tv, Andy Stanley, pastor of North Point Community Church near Atlanta, and then we had the famous author Patrick Lencioni.
I learned a lot from these guys. It was so interesting – all three of them talked about ego issues.
* Craig talked about how a lot of people have fear and let that fear stop them. He said you need to push through the pain and do what’s right.
* Patrick Lencioni has a new book called “Getting Naked,” which is all about being vulnerable. He thinks people in business shouldn’t try to act as if they’re perfect – people will really admire that. Colleen Barrett from Southwest Airlines has also said that people admire your strengths, but they love your vulnerability.
* And then Andy Stanley talked about how if you do less and delegate more, you are going to get a lot more accomplished. A lot of times people try to achieve things beyond their abilities because they are afraid to delegate to other people. That’s when you end up trying to do everything—and of course you’re going to fall short. Then you’re in trouble.
That sounds like the fear of false pride – where you think more of yourself than you should, and you don’t want to appear vulnerable. The other fear is where you have self doubt – and think less of yourself than you should. This really reinforces the importance of our whole self leadership program—really effective leadership starts from the inside. It starts with you, whether you’re trying to influence kids at home, or coworkers, or as a manager with your people, or what have you. It’s so important that you know who you are, and that you realize that you are NOT your performance or the opinion of others. You can do what’s right. You can also share and be vulnerable. When you make a mistake, you can push through fear.
I just love learning. Make sure this week to learn a lot. Maybe there’s still time today to learn something!
I’ve written previously about Charles Handy, a friend of mine who’s a great management thinker from England. During one of his presentations he said, “Most of you are not going to remember much what I say in this session, but I will remember everything. The person who learns the most is the one who speaks the most.” I think that’s really a powerful thing. In the course that Margie and I teach for the Master of Science in Executive Leadership program at USD, sometimes there’s a complaint that they would love to hear more from us and our thinking. We try to integrate some of that, but the course is really about the students and their thinking and their learning to communicate their leadership point of view. It’s really so reinforcing to watch people where the real learning is happening. Because they are doing the talking. Very often we get fascinated by our own words; even as we try to teach our kids and other people things we think they ought to learn. If we realized that if we listen more than we speak, probably more learning would take place in the person we are trying to teach. Ha! That’s kind of a relearning for today—the person who speaks the most probably learns the most. The rest are going to forget what you have to say anyway. So let other people speak up. Facilitate their thinking through issues. Don’t always be the problem solver. Have a wonderful day. Life is a very special occasion when you let other people speak.
Occasionally Margie and I lead a couples’ workshop that lasts a day and a half. It’s really interesting—you might say, “What does leadership training have to do with couples in a marriage relationship?” It is such a powerful thing, we found out, because as a lot of you know, we define leadership as an influence process. Anytime you’re trying to influence the thinking, beliefs, or development of another person, you are engaging in leadership. When you ask people about the most influential people in their lives, they don’t normally mention bosses at work. They talk about their mother, father, grandfather, uncle, or a coach or teacher. There is a lot of life role leadership that goes on, informally, in families and in friendships and all. Leadership in the home is life role leadership. It’s probably the most important leadership role you could ever have.
In our work, you know we say that leadership is a transformational journey starting with self leadership, then moving to one-on-one leadership, then to team leadership, and then to organizational leadership. And as we look at families, it becomes really clear that self leadership really starts with just finding out who you are and whose you are, and getting perspective on your life. Then you move to a marriage relationship, and that’s when you’re trying to influence each other, one on one. Then when kids come along—now we’re talking about team leadership. How do you build a community? How do you get people to recognize that none of us is as smart as all of us, and really create that team environment? And then the organizational leadership of a family would be the extended family. What do you do with your in-laws and outlaws and cousins and that whole thing? That’s something most people don’t think about as a leadership position, and yet in a family, it’s a whole different element. So it’s kind of fascinating. Through our training we realize that these concepts apply at home as much as they do in business. So learning how to be a good leader is good for everyone.
Listen to this definition of excellence: Excellence is the result of caring more than others think is wise, risking more than others think is safe, dreaming more than others think is practical, and expecting more than others think is possible. I just think that is a really interesting thing - think about yourself and how you are doing in a caring scale, how you are doing in the risking scale, how you are doing in the dreaming scale, and how you are doing on the expecting scale. I really think that’s a wonderful definition of excellence. Be excellent today – care, risk, and dream and expect big.
Speaking of excellence… At the University of San Diego, my wife Margie and I teach a course as part of the Master of Science in Executive Leadership program. Our course is “Determining Your Leadership Point of View.” Your leadership point of view is really figuring out who you are as a leader, and sharing it.
There are seven aspects of it:
- Who are the role models you had early in life that impacted your belief about leadership? Most people don’t talk about bosses; they talk about their mother or father, uncle or cousin, teacher or coach—what we call “lifelong leaders.”
- What’s your mission in life? What are you trying to accomplish?
- What are your values – what’s going to guide your behavior?
- Based on those three things, what’s your leadership point of view—what are your beliefs about leading and motivating people?
- What are your expectations of others?
- What do your people expect of you?
- How are you going to walk your talk? How are you going to model what you say you stand for?
It’s a fascinating process. We discuss this in Chapter 15 of Leading at a Higher Level. So if you want to find out more about that, get a copy of that book and read that chapter. If any of you haven’t developed a leadership point of view, I would like to challenge you to develop it. Then sometime, maybe in the first part of next year, sit down with your people and share your leadership point of view with them. Because it really does clarify expectations and who you are. It’s not about weakness; it’s about sharing who you are so other people can share who they are with you. It’s a wonderful process. And remember, it’s not just supervisors that should have a leadership point of view—all of you are leaders in some aspect of your life. You’re a leader as a spouse, as a father or mother, or as a volunteer. Anytime you try to influence the behavior of someone else, you’re engaging in leadership. Where did you get your image of leadership? I challenge everybody to develop and be able to share their leadership point of view.
You know, one of the questions I keep on getting is, “Are leaders born or made?” And my response is, “Both.” I know some people who are just born leaders. They just show that quality that makes people want to follow them, that magnetism—some have it from the time they are young kids. But I also feel that leaders can be made. People can learn. That’s what our business is all about. And people should always keep trying to learn more, trying to get better, even those who are born leaders. So I tell people that leaders are born and made. And of course, our whole business is based on the belief that we can help people become better leaders. I think that’s especially true if they keep learning interesting, exciting new things. So always be a learner. I’m absolutely convinced. That’s our #4 value at The Ken Blanchard Companies, and it’s so important—learning. When you stop learning, lie down, because it’s over. Take care! Have a great learning day.
I used to work with a fellow named Rick Tate, who talked about studying people who trained seeing-eye dogs. What they found was that they kick two kinds of dogs out of the program: The first kind were the ones who were completely obedient, who would do anything that the master said. That was really kind of surprising because you would have thought that the only ones they would kick out would be the ones who wouldn’t do anything that the master said. But they kicked out both kinds. The only dogs they kept in the program were the dogs who would do what the master said unless it didn’t make sense. They kept the dogs that could think for themselves. I think that’s what we as leaders should always try to do—get everybody to think for themselves. Sure, we have some guidelines, here’s what our policy is and all, but use your brains. You can imagine a seeing-eye dog with his master at the street corner, and the master says, “Forward,” and the dog looks up and there’s a car coming at sixty miles an hour. And the dog thinks, “This is gonna be a real bummer,” as he leads his master out into the middle of the street. So we want to empower people to use their brains – train them to do what the boss wants, or what the policies are, unless it doesn’t make sense. That’s really allowing people to bring their brains to work. So don’t get hit by a car! Use your brain today.
We recently offered a workshop at our company called “The Business of You,” that my friend Paul Brenner, who is an MBA and a Ph.D., was conducting with Bob Petrello, a longtime colleague of his. Their belief is that if you are self-aware, if you really understand yourself and your past, your needs, and your strengths and weaknesses, then that’s the beginning of being an effective human being. Then you add relationship awareness, which is about understanding the people around you and what makes them tick. Those are the two key things. Then, if you would really like to accomplish something, how do you do it with other people and get their commitment? It’s being relationally aware of them, and if you can do that, and you can get results. It’s so consistent with what we have been saying, which is that great leadership starts with understanding of self. I think it’s just a fascinating thing.
A great comment I heard recently from our consultant, Tommy Moore, was: “There is no hall of fame for critics,” Ha! I just love that. A lot of times, people are really good at taking shots at what other people are doing. That’s not really very helpful. Redirection is so much different than criticism: Here’s something that has happened, here’s how it has impacted things, here’s what would really help next time, and I’m still excited about working with you. That’s really kind of a nice thing. But we also have to remember, if you do ever get criticism, that feedback is the breakfast of champions, as Rick Tate always used to say. The best response to any kind of criticism, if you get it, is: “Tell me more. Is there anyone else I should talk to? Oh, this is so helpful.” That will really blow people’s minds because you won’t be defensive or anything. You won’t get your ego in the way. Don’t criticize yourself or other people. Give ‘em a hug. That’s what they could really use.
You know you’ve heard me talk a number of times about “Feedback is the breakfast of champions.” This is a saying that Rick Tate, who used to be a consulting partner with our company, often said. People in sales constantly get feedback. They know how well they are doing by whether it’s a “yes” or a “no.” Other people with different jobs don’t get feedback as much as they want. That’s why it’s so important for us to reach out and thank people—particularly people who are in jobs where they can’t always count what they do in terms of numbers or anything like that. Because it really does feel good. I remember as a young man, cutting the grass—that was always a great pleasure—and then sitting up on the porch, sipping a beer and looking out to see what I had done. That’s immediate feedback.
So life is a special occasion, but it’s also nice to have something to do once in a while where you get feedback on results. So continue today to reach out and thank other people for the work they do—give them some feedback so they can feel good. Remember, people who feel good about themselves produce good results, as well as people who produce good results feel good about themselves. It’s all based on feedback.





